<1110>

I'm going to say something in the spirit of Bill Bennett that I hope people don't miscontrue and blow out of proportion. The world would be harmonious, loving and peaceful if we killed off all conservatives. But that would be wrong.

<1320>

Why didn't I do to bed last night at a more reasonable hour? Like as soon as I got home? I'm exhausted. And I thought my boss was going to be back today, otherwise I wouldn't have come in. I'm not getting anything done. I need a nap. Instead I have coffee. It's also freezing in here. Summer is over, people! I would go home, but I'm going to a potluck tonight, and it's near the shuttle stop, so I'd be wasting time to go home and then I'd feel like I have to grocery shop when the better plan is to stop by the little market near the potluck.

Anyway, I'm going to try to make green chile chicken enchiladas, because they don't seem that difficult. We'll see!

So, I went to the deli/grill place in the building to get lunch (at like 11:30, since my cold, sleep-deprived body used up breakfast rather fast). The boy at the grill counter took my order with this shy smile and semi-terrified look that made me suspect he was kind of smitten with me. When he handed me the bag with my patty melt he kinda held onto it longer than he really needed too. But my suspicions were confirmed when I sat down and opened the bag, only to find that he'd drawn little hearts at the top, pen outlined with red crayon, which he'd then folded under. And he'd made a smiley face in the zero on the price written on there. Hee! I thought that was sort of cute. But in a way that makes me question the feasibility of eating there anymore.

Must. Write.

<2059>

I'm feeling totally distracted and useless today. I need to get some analyses done for my special studies paper, but I just can't seem to get moving on this paper at all. I can barely work on one paper at a time, never mind two. I've been working on this one paper for like 2 months now, and it's not even done. How am I going to write the other paper for 11/1?

<1614>

I have been pretty busy, as you might be able to tell by my unusually long hiatus. It's not like I have time to post now, but I might as well. Uh, so let's see, wedding weekend. It was actually a really great time. I flew down on Thursday, stayed at Am's. Friday I got a haircut, wandered around Nob Hill a little, then Am and I went up with my grandparents to Santa Fe. Checked into our rooms, and then it was off to the church for the rehearsal. The church was this tiny ancient little place that was really adorable. The inside had clearly been refurbished, as the walls were smoothed and white, and the ceiling was just this gorgeous gleaming wood beamed deal. The altarpiece was this brightly-colored wood folk arty thing, with not a hint of the glitz and gold of some altars. Am and I were assigned to decorate the entry arch with some fake flower vine, and it looked as awesome as you'd expect when you pay 0 dollars to have a law student and a grad student hang shit: amateur! But good enough. :-)

Dinner was at this New Mexican restaurant, which was tasty, and free drinks so woo! We ended up sitting across from the priest, who turned out to be totally a normal guy. He went to seminary in Connecticut, so we commiserated about East Coast cold. And my aunt was saying he looked too young and cute to be a priest, and he was joking about how everyone says that now, but no one did before he became a priest!

The next day we had brunch with the gramps at a tasty NM brunch place, and there was some grampa amusing redneck seeping into the conversation, but I feel on the whole Am and I were able to inject our political beliefs in civil, convincing and subtle ways. After brunch we killed some time at the Sprint sotre buying new phones... that was actually awesome, and I hae to give my props to this particular Sprint store and to the institution in general. So, I knew we were way overdue for a %$150 mail-in rebate on new phones, since we've had the same old phones for 3 years now. We chose shiny blue camera phones that were pretty cheap, and the guy who helped us at first kind of was a bit of a hoverer, but seeing as we seemed serious about getting new phones, he was probably standing to make some kind of commission, so can't say I blame him. Anyway, turns out the rebate was instant AND $163 apiece, meaning the new phones were under $40 each. Score.

I have to say the battery life does kind of suck on the new phone, but that might be because although we have a cheap deal with Sprint, they still have the crappiest network on the planet.

Got ready, and then it was time for the wedding. It was great seeing so many people all at once that I hadn't seen in years. I also think I got most people to not think I was in medical school. The ceremony lasted longer than an hour, as suspected, but it was largely not boring. There was a band that played all the music (no organ "Here Comes the Bride") and it was thoroughly northern New Mexican. I meant here were guitars, maracas, mambo drums, even a harmonica that I swear was off in lala land during this one song and I thought it was a cell phone ringing. Amusingly, they proved that every band will finish whatever song they're playing if they can help it, no matter how done people are doing whatever the music was background for. But they were awesome. I don't know if the switch was planned or accidental, but Monica was supposed to read a short thing from John, and Deanna's niece was supposed to read a longer piece from Song of Solomon, but Monica missed rehearsal. But since she like, reads things on TV for a living, it was way superior having her do the longer piece and the kid doing the shorter piece, which she read with much better flow. The homily was fantastic... Father Anthony is totally the guy I'd like to go listen to every week if I were Catholic. He both told a joke and read this thing he wrote that was actually totally achingly heartwrenching, and made me wonder a little if he became a priest because the love of his life died or something. His voice was even a little broken at the end of it.

Then there was all this crazy Catholic stuff I didn't even know about, involving a "lasso" that I think was like a big rosary, and giving of flowers to Our Lady of Guadalupe. There was also Communion, but I was lucky to sit on the largely heathen side of the church, so I didn't feel weird. But I never realized how much Communion involved preparation and dish cleaning. Man, can't you wash out the damn cup later? I guess not.

After the wedding, Am and I helped clean up all the decorations, trying to sweep things out from under the photographer. He and his assistant were around all friggin day, along with a video guy. The video guy managed to hide in corners and remain out of the way, but the camera guy was like all up in my grill all day, I swear. He was everywhere. Am and I were forced to be in a couple posed photos, but I guess it couldn't be helped. I'm probably also in waaay too many candids.

We finally got to the reception, where the margarita fountain was being quickly drained, but there was a large bowl of sangria that lasted a bit longer. The cake had like 5 layers and was tilted precariously already when we got there. My dad had originally said that he thought it would be a small wedding, like 50-60 people, but he was totally totally wrong. There were like 180 people, and they got 15 RSVPs like the day before. And, since there was a sit-down dinner, they had to make a seating chart for all those people! Dinner was tasty, and the music was good all night, esp the mariachis, who got in some De Colores, so they are my heroes forever.

So, in typical Santa Fe fashion, this dog wanders into the country club after dinner. At first I figured, someone brought their dog, crazy people. But then no one claimed the dog, so Am got on the case, of course. The dog wasn't scrawny like a stray, but it was kinda dirty. It was a really chill dog, though, and cute, and if we'd been in Baltimore, I totally woulda kept it. Am called animal control, but they said they wouldn't come until the next day, so we found a gullible child who lived in the neighborhood to take the dog, at least for the night, because it probably lives around there anyway.

Back at the reception, people were partying down, including my dad's cousin, who was breaking out the old disco moves. Grampa was cheerfully toxed and even danced, though I thought he was going to keel over after. I managed not to dance, which was good, because it was much more entertaining to watch and laugh.

Sunday we went to Deanna's parents for lunch. Fiesta was happening downtown, so the couple got stuck at their hotel for two hours while we all ate and waited. But they arrived and opened their gifts, and then we headed back to ABQ. I didn't get to spend much time with my dad, of course, but that was to be expected. Deanna seems nice, so that's good.

Am and I hit up Dion's for dinner and Cold Stone for dessert, combining for a delicious pizza-ice cream double delight. I miss Dion's way too much.

Upon my return to Baltimore, I found out that I had caused trouble in one of my classes. There is this anonymous eval system to make comments with during the term, and the Dean had told us to use it, so I did for this one class. But the professor, who can be a little on the defensive side anyway, had no idea the system existed, and was wildly irked to have gotten an anonymous comment, even one as brilliant and dead-on as mine. ;-) So I guess she went off for like 20 minutes about it in class, saying she didn't think anonymous commenting was good because people should stand behind their thoughts, and going through my various points for discussion. I think it would have gone over a lot better if I'd been there, because I could have raised my hand and said, dude, I was just using this system the Dean told us to, I'm not hiding. But as it was, I wasn't there, so I think there was more tension than was necessary. Anyway, I emailed her, and she clearly felt 234873294 times better upon hearing it was my comment, and seemed much more chill about it.

I felt way behind when I returned, and my overwhelmed feeling was not improved by the brief notion that I might have to add 10 hours of dissertation-related research to my plate. That brief panic did make me organize, however, and I've managed to actually stick to a self-imposed schedule (with today being a big exception so far). My sister's early morning runs inspired me to hop on my exercise bike first thing when I get up in the morning, since I figured if she can get al geared up and go running out in whatever cruddy weather exists, I have no excuse for not being able to throw on some smelly exercise clothes and ride a bike in my climate-controlled and television-having living room for half an hour. I think that has helped me have more energy. I had thought that exercise was having no effect this summer, and I think there wasn't really much of an energy effect, but I did notice that once I stopped I immediately started waking up in the middle of the night. Since I started morning biking, I've been sleeping through the night, or at least if my bladder calls, I can fall asleep much better. Today, of course, I decided to a) sleep in late; b) catch up on the NYT and Salon; 3) catch up this web journal, all of which has eaten away my homework time. But I did clean the house some, and I did exercise.

This past week was kind of nuts. Sunday night I watched the Emmy's at Mike's, which was a little odd because I couldn't get ahold of Lynn, so it was just me and Mike, but I guess I've hung out with that crew long enough to make that surprisingly unweird. Tues was standard Six Feet Under Night, and now we only have the final episode left, *finally*. All day Weds was this Katrina benefit thing we had at school that I helped out with, which lasted through the evening. Thurs I hung out with Roxanne. And last night we had a department picnic and then Dave and Court came up for some Red Sox action. It was like being at Fenway, there were so many Red Sox fans there.

Okay, I think that's all caught up now.

<0224>

Dear friend,
If you were not so self-absorbed, people would like you more, and it would matter less that you don't like yourself, because you'd be thinking about yourself a lot less. Give it a try.

Okay, I need to go to sleep, but I have tales of the whole wedding weekend, making trouble in class in absentia, and probably other crap by the time I actually get around to posting.

<1939>

I used to know this girl, she had the *worst* friend...

Laundry! I know I'm like a third of the size of my landlord, but still, I don't understand how he can possibly be doing laundry like 20 days out of the month. And I swear half his clothes are always in the basement, and even with the new table, that is not a clean place. But, he's cleared out of the machines today, so three loads in process for me.

I marvel at how either some people have changed a lot in their older age, or they are just more life constipated and it just takes longer for their shit to hit the fan.

I'm so tired today, and it would be nice to use this week to settle into my school routine a bit, but no, going home Thursday. Which will be plenty of fun, and I should be able to bring the laptop if my tote comes tomorrow, so I ought to get some things done. Ha.

<0049>

OMG, I can totally talk to people through my computer! Well, cool people, at least.

Technology is so great. I'm totally going to record some awesome singing.

<2012>

Thursday night I wanted to drive down to New Orleans with a car full of water and food. I was watching Olberman on MSNBC, and they were showing people outside the Convention Center, all poor, most black, and all desperate and frustrated and increasingly angry that they had followed orders to come there only to find nothing waiting for them, no food, no water, no security, no way out. More and more it seems people around the country are starting to realize that these people's experience represents everything about where our country has arrived. If you do what you're supposed to, if you follow orders, but you happen to be poor or not white, there's no guarantee you'll get what you ought to.

And usually the smart advice in disasters is to stay out and let the professionals do their work, send them money. But only since yesterday has there really been any action to get people out, that fucking twit Mike Brown at FEMA didn't know there were people at the Convention Center even though somehow 20,000 got word that that was a place to go. It's hard to feel like standing back is the right thing to do. But, it's also 1100 miles and 4 tanks of gas (and 4 back) to New Orleans, and classes started yesterday, and I'm going home Thursday. It sucks; I sent my little bit of money to the Red Cross. These weeks are crucial, but there will be a long time of needed help, maybe time I will have to give.

Is it too much to hope, though, that this wil finally open a dialogue in this country about how if we want to be the nation we all harbor as an ideal, where people don't go starving and dying on a sidewalk waiting for help after a disaster or ever, we need to radically reverse our priorities?