<2307>

I always start my assignments for Teaching class feeling like they're going to be a pain, but then I end up having geeky fun making up shit for this imaginary undergrad psych class. This week was making up three active learning course activities, and I thought it would suck, but it ended up being sort of great.

I ended up watching House on DVD last night for like 3 hours. I want to watch some now that I've finished my assignment, but I'm forcing myself to go to bed so I can get up and exercise, as I failed to do this morning.

I finished my fellowship application today. Rajiv gave me really good comments, in that he fixed my problem with an answer that seemed obvious in retrospect: talk about how my current research fits with my career goals. I think I was avoiding being too sciencey, since it's going to a more general audience, and I think I was also trying to connect my future training more. But, duh, it's so much easier to talk about stuff I've been working on, and plus, mentioning all the papers I've been authoring lately makes me sound like a friggin badass. So, I tidied that up in a rush this afternoon and emailed it off. I hope I get nominated!

What sucked up most of my afternoon was meeting to reconcile grades for class. But it was good, and I felt like I had a pretty good handle on the papers and why I graded them like I did. Turns out I was generally stingy and mean compared to Rajiv, but I kinda leaned that way intentionally, because I figured I'd feel better shifting up later than shifting down and feeling like I'd been wussy and uncritical. D and I agreed that grading was a nice process for improving our own writing.

Okay, you are *not* doing what I think you're doing, are you? Good lord.

People need to get out more, is all.

<1701>

Tuba Christmas was pretty great, although it really involved the broad spectrum of the tuba family of instruments, including a double-belled euphonium. Wacky. Even with the cold, it was worth going. The assorted boys came over and played Halo, and there was much hilarity. Then the core of us decided to go to see a Beatles cover band we'd heard about at Danny's gig on Wednesday... not just any cover band, but one headed by Brad Delp, lead singer of Boston. We got there a bit late, and it was packed, so we had to wait outside until it cleared out a bit, but it was worth it. Not only totally novel, but also cool. I guess this band has been around a while, but they seem to be no less popular than if everyone had just heard of them.

AFter that, we went to IHOP and had some bad food that was improved by our low expectations.

After three hours of sleep, I departed for the airport, and groggily made my way home. Actually, I got some reading dome for a while before exhaustion kicked in, and then once I got home and ate something, a second wind kicked in and I pretty much finished my fellowship application. It would be nice if someone (say, my advisor) would give me comments on my personal statement, since I think it might be lame, but it also might be fine. I have until 5 to email the stuff in, so maybe my advisor will come through before then (although he does have like 50 papers to grade).

I just heard a cat screeching in the backyard, and went to investigate... I saw a cat dart away making the same noise. I couldn't tell if it was the same cat, or what it was doing. It's possible that 1) it was chasing away a mouse or something, which, awesome, please chase vermin away from my dwelling; 2) it's crazy, feral, or rabid. Scary.

<1124>

Woo, vacation! Tuesday I adventured around in my car, going to the parking office to finally get my sticker, then to class, then to Juhee's for some mega dinner. Girl cooked way too much food, but it was all great. Wednesday morning there was the shuttle, the train, and the planes, with a bit of delay, but no biggie. Met up with Court at the house, and when Jack got home we went to this italian place nearby for dinner. It's this place I always wanted to go to here in Union Sq, but of course I could never get any of the kids to come out this way to eat with me. It was pretty good.

Then it was off to Johnny D's to see Danny's band, Booty Vortex. Like the typical funk band, they filled the stage... if there had been a bigger stage, I'm sure there would have been more of them, it's just the rule. They were good, and tons of people were dancing. It was nice to chat with folks, even saw some surprising people I hadn't seen in a while.

Thursday there was much cooking and eating and drinking and laughing at people playing Halo. Well, they were playing Halo, but I was laughing. Jack was playing "tough love" with Danny and Courtenay, which seemed to indicate training, but mostly meant him killing them in clever ways, since he'd played much more than them. I refused to play, because it took me so long to learn Mario Kart, I can't imagine how long it would take me just to figure out the damn XBox buttons.

Yesterday I got up at 1, mysteriously. I swear, I had no idea it was that late when I got up. I graded papers it felt like all day, even though there were only 12, and they were only like 3-5 pages each. But I also made green chile chicken enchiladas, which was exciting.

Today we're going to TubaChristmas at Faneuil Hall, and then returning here for more eating, drinking and Halo. Assorted boys are coming over.

Tomorrow, ass early wake up for 8 am flight. :-/ This has been a pretty great break, though.

<2332>

I'm feeling less crappy, as in, I went to school today and wasn't totally wiped by the time I got home. Unlike yesterday when I went to work on my problem set for all of two hours and had to come home immediately upon finishing due to extreme exhaustion. I think I was mostly hungry. Anyway, somehow I managed to finish the problem set, write my personal statement for the fellowship (vague as it is), and write up my class syllabus today to finish all my work before Thanksgiving WOOTWOOT. This also means that I can spend tomorrow (no morning class woo!) sleeping and then getting a parking sticker before my ass-long evening class. Hell, maybe I'll even try to get my 12 papers graded for my advisor's class.

No, I think the 12 papers are plane fodder.

<1349>

Yesterday I bailed on work and school, in an attempt to get better more rapidly and to stay out of the freezing cold weather. I dunno if it did much, but it was pretty great to get a bunch of sleep, watch DVDs and torrents, and basically veg all day. Today I still feel mostly crappy, and so I'm flooding my system with grapefruit juice cut with water, because I don't really think I've been hydrating well enough. I thought the jaw pain was gone for good yesterday, but it and a dull headache have been taking turns plaguing me.

I need to get a bunch of work done today and tomorrow: problem set, teaching class syllabus, and 3-page statement for a fellowship. Then I get a bunch of papers to grade on Monday, which I have until Saturday to do, but I hope it takes less time. And then the fellowship stuff is due right after Thanksgiving break, but it's pretty easy.

Ah, H-y weekend... I kinda wish I could be there, but then again, I hate the yale bowl a lot. Still, my nosy side wonders what madness has been going on this weekend.

<2359>

To Harvard! A shot of CareOne brand NyQuil equivalent! Down the hatch!

I took a nap from like 6-9. I think I have the plague. I was feeling pretty depressed because I went to school to run these models, only to get home and discover that I missed an arrow and have to redo them. Tomorrow, I say. I got my papers organized (and chucked some of them once I got the powerpoints all noted up), and so I should be ready to do the teaching class stuff tomorrow. If I feel better, I'll fire off a draft of that 3-pager first... I just didn't feel up to anything tonight other than dull organizing. I really want this whatever I have to go away, esp before I go back to Boston for Thanksgiving. People will think I have consumption if I return and I'm still sick.

Time to go back to bed.

<0148>

Ow, my head. And my entire jaw/mouth hurts. I think something is fucked with my sinuses. I still have 1.5 pages of a paper to write... I'm just going to have to do it during work.

<1459

Wow, I think I managed to be here for six hours and do almost nothing.

Well I did meet with the boss. I sent a bunch of emails around in response to a fellowship I was just made aware of. I looked up symptoms of sinusitis, tetanus and mumps on the internet, seeing as my jaw pain and stiffness is just rocking out all over today. And I replied way too much to hubba, because the subject of the Crimson always seems to make me prolific, and certain posters have the same effect. Now I have to go to class. I would prefer to die now, thankyouverymuch.

<1600>

So I'm in this teaching class, and much of it is interesting and useful. But, ironically, one of the main lecturers is incredibly boring. Something about her seems so fake to me.

<2044>

Ow my wallet. Damn you, holiday travel.

I decided on New Year's in Boston. I added in a few days for karaoke too.

I wonder if I can get my homework done tomorrow between classes so I can bum around now...

<1150>

So far Boston has been pretty great. I got in Friday night a bit earlier than expected thanks to getting to the airport in time for the earlier flight. I met up with a whole pile of crust at Uno's in Porter, which was entertaining. People who were on my very first senior staff all the way down to Courtenay and Jack. So, that made me feel less old. :-)

I stayed at C&J's, so Saturday morning we got up, got up some food, bought some beer, and took the bus to the tailgate. I love tailgating. I've decided I like it much more than doing band-related stuff. There was tons of food and people. The Band came over and gigged us, and there was a coup. We went in before halftime, I helped with the drum and chased this Penn bandie who was playing Carmen Sandiego away from the drum. It was like shooing away a little bug, so I don't think she really had her heart into taking it anywhere.

I think we lasted about four minutes into the third quarter (the game was a blowout) before many of us headed back to restart the tailgate. Good call. As it started to get dark, some of us went to Charlie's for dinner and for sitting around feeling exhausted while we waited around for a room to play poker in to materialize. One finally did, and I played not so well. These kids are better than the HSR folks, and I just never had any decent hands all night.

After that we headed to the band party, where I felt old. Old old old. I also felt full of the bad kind of nostalgia, the kind that makes you wonder if some people will ever grow up already. But, it was a decent time, and then I drove the kids home, where the heat seems to be on.

Today I think the plan is to bum around all afternoon, or maybe go check in to my hotel. Then later I've heard there will be dinner at the Manor. I dunno if there will be time to go to the drill meeting, or whether I will want to go at all, but that's happening. Back to regular life tomorrow! Vacation is too short... but Thanksgiving is soon.

<2256>

I bummed around the house chekcing my email and chatting with Courtenay all afternoon. Then we made a stop at Target and then headed to the boys' for dinner. They made us beef stroganoff, which was delicious. They have a nice apartment, and they seem to keep it pretty well tidied for a bachelor pad. :-) It was nice to sit around and chat with these folks that I like, even though I didn't have much of a voice.

Court and Jack drove me to my hotel, where I promptly forgot to ask the front desk guy if he could scam me some painkillers. Now my throat is pretty awful, and I think I have a slight fever. I think it's not avian flu, though, so I should live.

I just tried to look up flights for Christmas break, and they are all horrific. The prices are awful, the flight times are awful, it's all awful. I'll save that headache for tomorrow night, or something. It sounds like loads of peepe will be in Boston for New Year's, so I may just go back there again. I had been pondering this west coast trip, and it may happen after that, but it actually wouldn't be the worst thing to be back home before going back out on a trip. I could also maybe do spring break, and spend winter break writing my proposal.

<1129>

So, back at the office today for the first time in weeks. Still futzing around with this dataset I hate. I've decided cross-sectional data collection is the bane of my existence, esp when there are half-assed qualitative components collected in a semi-quantitative way. Grah.

More the bane of my existence: stupid cubicle-mate who argues with her boyfriend on the phone in a murmur. Yes, you're murmuring, BUT I CAN STILL HEAR YOU. AND IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING. Girl, get a cell phone, talk to your man outside. I don't want to hear your whiny ass murmuring.

<1429>

Today has turned out to be an incredibly productive work day in terms of thinking. I think I may even have worked out a dissertation topic that will approach the topic I'm interested in, be feasible, and may even be do-able from wherever I decide I want to live.

<1440>

"I thought you were gonna call me back." MAYBE HE THOUGHT YOU WERE WORKING, TWIT.

Also, she has the radio on real low. I don't mind the radio, but I do mind the idea that she's never heard of headphones, clearly. What if I hated her music? Stupid bitch!

<2359>

OMG, I hope this idea works out. I just spent most of this evening (after late-ass class) writing out the ideas I had earlier today in a form I could send around to people. I am psyched. I just hope this isn't some area that people have covered and my thinking is like, duh, or like, wrong. I've sent it off to the proposal class crue, and at least the faculty member can tell me if I'm an idiot so my advisor doesn't have to. If it gets a thumbs-up, I think the advisor will like it because it's a big old theory thing, totally using some newer thoughts he's been putting out there. But I ought to be able to tweak it in whatever interesting direction I want, and even if I can't quite do that, I can totally live with more boring versions of checking this out.

I'm glad I popped this out while it was hot, but now I have to pack, but I also have to be up by 7 to get to work.

<0911>

Urgh, pain. I went to TV night last night, which meant I didn't get to bed until 3. Then I got a phone call (expected, cleared) phone call at 4:30, and even though I was totally groggy, somehow it took like another half hour to fall asleep, I was never quite right in the sleep dept all night.

I like boys in suits. *sigh*

Tonight we have this student group retreat/workshop, and I so do not want to go. And I so do not want to go to work tomorrow and Friday morning. And I still haven't written anything for proposal writing, and I won't until who knows when. School beh.

Also, my internet has been broken since I got home last night, so I've had to steal a neighbor's. I'm not sure whose internet comes in so clear in my apartment, but woo to them.

<1435>

Beh, I'm feeling once again completely unenthusiastic about dissertation stuff. I just need to get in a NRSA, any old NRSA, so that I can keep my funding for the second half of this year. I would love for it to be something fundable... but at this point it may be better to send something in but really start looking at totally different topics. Beh.

In better news, I'm escaping to Boston this weekend, which continues to rule, and I'm escaping there again for Thanksgiving. Rawk. I even get to see Danny's show. I do have to fly through LGA, which is lame, but this late in the game I'm lucky not to have to pay with limbs.

<1835>

Maybe I should have dinner. I feel really depressed about school. It would be nice if I'd gotten some grain of enthusiasm from my advisor, or at least some openness to hear me out when he had more time, but it was like he just didn't really care about what I had to say. I don't know how this is going to be workable over the long term if this is the kind of interaction I can expect. I need someone who is going to help direct my interests and enthusiasm, who can take where I'm coming from and use their expertise to point me in a direction.

I'm also feeling once again pissed off that my original advisor didn't get tenure, as little as I know that does me any good. But, if the things I liked about Hopkins aren't really happening for me, why did I bother coming here? I could have gone to Harvard instead.

<2247>

The nice thing about this proposal writing class is at least there's an older doctoral student who I can vent to, and she can tell me, yeah, that's normal advisor behavior, try this and this, and it probably won't be all bad. Perspective is good to have, especially because I feel like I dole out a lot of it, and it's good to get back sometimes.

So, I'm starting to get extra psyched about my Boston trip. I think it's going to rawk. I'm also looking forward to seeing some of these crazy frosh in action... they've suddenly taken over hubba, thank goodness, because it's been still pretty full of old people who've been there since the beginning.

<2315>

Starting to get my life back in gear... went to Target and Trader Joe's today, so now I actually have food, and most of it is even healthy. It took longer than expected, however, and then I spent way too much time writing an email tonight, so my plans for productivity were kind of shot. But I did work for an hour, which isn't much since I'm tons of hours behind my timecard, but it was nice to have taken time away from this dataset while I was working on that other paper. A lot of things will feel less muddled now.

I still need to get this proposal thing written. I wish I had already met with my advisor so I could know with more clarity what will be feasible.

I also did dishes, and something in the sink smelled, I kid you not, like baby shit. Like someone fed the baby beans and then it shit in my sink. I have no idea what the hell smelled so bad, but ew, I need to do dishes far more often.

I also installed new memory in the computer, so now I can have a meelion windows open at once, and expose is tons faster. I also got a lightbulb for the lamp in my bedroom (finally found the right kind at Target... much better than trekking out to Ikea, even though I had a dream I was there last night), and I was pleased to see it was just the lightbulb which was lame, not the lamp.

I also had a dream last night that I was walking down the street and I kept seeing all these high school classmates of mine, and they were people I by and large didn't like at all. It turned out they were all in town for a wedding, and so then the couple was trying to get help to give these people rides places, and so me and people I liked from high school were all trying to hide in this big house so they wouldn't know we were around. But they found us, so we hatched a plan to forget to give anyone rides to the wedding so no one would be there. Dang, that's cold. And totally high school.

Okay, to sleep, so I can bang out some work tomorrow.

<2331>

Mmm, tonight I just vegged with chips and salsa and wine, and House. Somehow I must have erased the first disk from my queue, but that's okay, it's not that serial. Not like Six Feet.

It's so weird to have run out of Six Feet.

<2126>

Evil fucking conference paper submitted! I should really not complain, even though I feel like it sucked up tons of my life and mental energies, because my advisor basically cranked out the entire thing in the past week, even though he had to go to Namibia this weekend and hence was jetlagged, had a stomach bug, and had other things to do a whilst writing damn near the whole paper. I did plenty of stuff, but all that stuff kind of pales in comparison.

Anyway, I'm glad to say goodbye to it for now, although I'd like to learn more about thne analyses as we get it ready for journal submission.

In other news, I still have this takehome final for psychostats, but I think I have it under control if I wake up a bit. I was flipping earlier with all this stuff, but rock star advisor really came through with not leaving a bunch of stuff to do on the paper, and I didn't end up getting a ticket for not having a new sticker (and Bill gave me his visitor pass). Boo to whoever is in charge for sending around info last year on sticker getting (when I didn't need it!) and for not doing so this year (unless it's in the piles of shit all over my house) when I could have used a few dozen reminders. So now I have to go to the parking office on top of the million other things going on in my life.

I need a week off.

Anyway, work.