<1149>

Yesterday my sister and I went by Rodey, the law firm where she'll be working, so she could get some forms signed. Then we headed to Old Town so I could buy some NM souvenirs for people. After that was the animal shelter, which is much larger and understaffed than the SPCA. But they had cute doggies. We went to the Frontier for dinner, home for a while, and then back to the Frontier later to hang out with Gwen and Afsheen, but other folks declined to join us. Boo on them. I'm maybe supposed to go have lunch there *again* today, but I have laundry going and I haven't showered yet, so I don't think that's happening.

Tomorrow is going to be a big ol pain. I get into Providence around 4:15 and then have to figure out how to get me and my big ol bag to Boston, since I think they stopped Bonanza service to the airport. Boo. Once I get to Boston, I have no idea where I'm going or when the party starts. It'll be nice Sunday once I have a hotel room to settle into, although then I'll need to finish up some grading and a paper that I ought to start on the flights tomorrow.

<1015>

I did end up feeling a lot better, and Am and Dad and I went for sushi. It was tasty. Amber made a fire last night and we mostly bummed around.

There are two great columns in the NYT today. The first, "Don't think twice, it's all right" is about how analyzing every little thing in our lives may not be that helpful and won't make us happier, and what really makes us happier is to focus on other people and do good things, and to not think too hard about it. The second column, "In pursuit of unhappiness," seems to make the opposite point that we shouldn't care about happiness at all, but it really makes the same point that if you focus on attaining happiness, it will elude you, but if you focus on something other than your own happiness, works towards some other end, you may end up happier, and at the least you'll be far more useful to the world. I'm a big proponent of these ideas. I've found that the most miserable people my age are the ones that are so focused on all their little faults and how they can fix them, with absolutely no broader focus on other people or on the world at large. I think perspective helps people a lot... you can still not be a dunce about yourself as a person, but if you can place who you are in a larger perspective, it helps prioritize that reflectiveness to make it more targeted toward that broader goal. For example, I often fuss about how messy my house is. I could take that to mean that I'm inept at basic life (and I know people who do). Or I could look at it another way. My broad goal in life is to be a person who helps improve the health of populations, and my current goals are to train and gain the skills and connections to do that. My ability to keep my house clean is essential to that goal only insofar as it's clean enough to allow me to keep eating and working, which is about where it is. Being a great housekeeper is apart from my real goals.

So, I echo these authors. I think for the New Year, we should maybe set aside our individually-oriented goals in favor of socially-oriented goals. Figure out where you can do some good in the world, even if you think it's not that much (don't think too hard about it, remember), and do it, and do it again. And don't just do it in January! This is why I often don't make New Year's resolutions... it ought to be a continuing process, because we humans fail a lot and have to restart, and a year is a long time to wait to restart.

<1353>

I ended up taking a brief nap before my flight, and then hopped on the Super Shuttle for an hour long tour of Baltimore to pick up a bunch of other peeps. Amusingly, after the first pick-up, we headed down North and then Broadway, and I thought, we're going toward school! So, we were either picking someone up from the ghetto, the hospital, or Reed Hall. turned out it was the latter AND it was a girl I know. Last year T drove both of us and this other girl to our entirely-too-early flights. Funny.

At the airport, I ran into two first-years. Then I settled onto the plane and these two girls my age sat next to me. The one on the end was very chatty, which was a little annoying so early, but okay. It worked out, because she was also headed to Albuquerque, so I had someone to hang out with during the 2.5 hour layover in KC. We went to the Tequileria and had the best margaritas ever. We got separated on the second leg because we spent too much time at the Tequileria. The second flight was like daycare... children *everywhere*. But it wasn't so bad.

It took a thousand years to get home, but at least all the flights were on time. That afternoon we got in some Nob Hill shopping, and then we headed over to the Frontier where I saw the Baca crew. Seems they're all doing well.

Saturday my dad came to get us in the morning, and we headed to Santa Fe. We went to the little mall there where my dad was working at a kiosk for the shoe store, and Am and I shopped, and then I made her stay there so I could go buy her gifts, because I suck at buying things ahead of time. It was kinda nice, because I could hang out with her and see what she liked. We then headed home and then over to the Lopezes for delicious dinner of tamales, posole, red chile, enchiladas, and too much dessert. So yummy. Then Dad, Deanna, Am and I went to Canyon Road and walked around, which was pretty cool, esp the second half on the darker, less crowded parallel road, where the luminarias (pardon me, I guess we were in Santa Fe, so, farolitos) were more visible. It was kind of neat to see what they call luminarias in Santa Fe, which are these little pinon bonfires. There was also a flying lantern, which I'd never seen before, but which ruled. It was like a luminaria that floated away into the sky, and was powered by a candle that made it rise like a hot air balloon. And then it was shaped such that any wind just made it rise more. It floated off and we could see it for a long way.

Sunday was quite a day. Normally Christmas is at the Lopezes, but Deanna offered to do it this year, and her mom actually said okay. Dad and Deanna know this chef guy who used to work at this hotel they hang out at sometimes, but the hotel decided to stop serving food in their bar. So they got him for a ridiculously good deal to come help make amazing food. That left us free to run around doing more fun things like setting up, minor sous-chef work like chopping, and making drinks. That and we weren't busting our butts the night before to make all the food. So, it was pretty great. Drinks were wine, champagne with Chambord (occasionally made velvety with a bit of citron vodka and Sprite), some pomegranate thing, and whatever else people mixed up. Appetizers were various dips with chips, shrimp cocktail, and brie wrapped in prosciutto OMG so good. Dinner was various kinds of vegetables, including calabacitas, broccoli, cauliflower and mushrooms with cheese, asparagus, and salad; turkey, salmon covered in pine nut crust, and prime rib. Dessert, eaten long after all that dinner, included creme brulee (sooooo good), cheesecake, rum cake, fudge, these cookies Am made that were like peppermint oreos, bizcochitos, and empanadas (some from the night before). OMG, too much food. So many leftovers.

The most hilarious part of the night was the gag gift exchange. We did it white-elephant style like we'd done at the HBS holiday party, but with more flexible rules. Namely, any gift could be stolen only once a round, but an unlimited number of times over the course of the game, and number order for stealing didn't matter. The first several gifts were fairly unexciting, but then Deanna's sister opened the most coveted and stolen gift of the evening, reindeer that danced to "Cold as Ice." Awesome. But the funniest moment was when Mrs. Lopez opened a new gift only to discover they were washable bra pads for nursing. She was all, "I finished nursing already!" Deanna was laughing so hard she had to leave and go pee. We watched the video a couple times that night, and the whole scene was equally hilarious. The addedndum to that was the extra gift leftover after all was said and done, an accompanying nipple brush! It took us all quite a while to figure out it was for cleaning a rubber bottle nipple, not for scraping milky goo off a woman.

While digesting, some of us watched these DVDs my dad's cousin had made. One had old photos of grandma and grampa Leyba and then of the three sisters, my grandma and great aunts. The second DVD had the cousins of my dad's generation, and then all their kids in cousins II. Cousins III was left for the future, though Am and I said we should get photos of our respective pets together. I was shocked to realize that the youngest of my third cousins are teenagers now, and they didn't make it to the wedding, so I haven't seen them in ages.

Once people were gone, we watched some of the wedding footage. The homily was still amazing... Father Anthony had been around for dinner, and he's just way cool. There was this funny moment during the post-Communion dishwashing when the cameraman was panning around the audience, and right when he got to Amber and I, we turned to look at each other and gave this great nod of approval. I recalled that this was because Father Anthony had just cleaned out the chalice by swigging down the wine in a very skilled way. But we couldn't have timed that moment better if we were on a sitcom.

Monday we went to brunch, then to this cool place (Tropic of Capricorn) to get a plant for my grandma. They had some wacky plants there, and lots of big pots, and it was in a neat area. If I weren't thousands of miles from home, I definitely would have gotten some plants, esp since they were half price. After that we went to the Plaza to look at what remained of the ice sculptures (surprisingly much) and to poke around a few stores. We also went to the store and I got some MBTs, which are some crazy shoes, but I like the idea of keeping my heels off the ground. So far I like them, but I haven't done a lot of walking.

After that we went to dinner with my grandparents and my great aunt and her husband. It was pretty low-key. I had salad. Then we went back to the house and had creme brulee, which was delicious, but I have to wonder about it being in the ice chest instead of the fridge and whether that was sufficiently cold.

Why do I wonder? Because I got up yesterday (back in Albuquerque, my grandparents drove us back) not feeling so hot. Creme brulee has a lot of eggs in it. Cooked eggs, but still. Then again, the Journal reports an onslaught of illness right now, some of which is related to health care timing, but some of which seems to be just crap going around. So who knows. I napped much of yesterday, then we went to Gwen's and saw her and Afsheen and their adorable fluffball (Pomeranian), hit the Flying Star for a bit, and then vegged back at the house until I thought I was going to die. When I got home, it turned out the reason I was so damn cold was that I was sporting a 100.6 fever. So, dropped a Bayer and went to bed. The only symptoms I had yesterday were stomach ookiness, gas and fever.

Today things seem to be, er, working their way out. More acute pangs in the lower intestine, the shits, but the fever is down a lot. Yay Bayer!

I should get some more ginger ale and crackers. I'm kinda hungry. We're supposed to go out for sushi tonight, but that might not be such a hot idea. Also I think my grandparents are tagging along, and, despite their various travels, they're not really into food that goes beyond the blandest thing possible.

2357>

So, I have to be up in 2 hours. So, I guess I'm not sleeping after all.

Damn early flights. At least they're extraordinarily long, so I can sleep.

Maybe a nap.

<1601>

Excellent things about today: 1) I've been nominated for the fellowship I applied to about a month ago. I have basically made it through the internal school process, and now I have to get some more stuff together for the foundation itself. 2) The stats exam was pretty decent, and I certainly passed (sadly, though, I did really well on the 2nd problem set, and I felt pretty good about the 3rd one too, so I'm sure I would have got an A if I hadn't swtiched to p/f). 3) We got our paper out! 4) Italian food for Lynn's birthday!

Less great things about today: 1) Spent like 3 hours at work verifying paper numbers. 2) I was trying to be polite and let people off the subway, only to have the effing doors shut in my face. 3) I didn't think to buy a day pass even though I planned to use the subway thrice today. I might walk down to Little Italy, though, haven't decided.

SO, I have a take-home exam to do before tomorrow at 5. I need to do laundry and pack, do dishes, and take the beast over to this girl in my cohort. Then I just have one short paper over break and a bit of grading.

<1233>

Is there an enraged mob I can join to protest this insane spying authorization? Good lord. Isn't it pretty much a dictatorship when the guy at the top doesn't think any laws apply to him?

I love Tom Tomorrow. Today, the first part of his year in review: May 1: The Downing Street memo is published, pretty much proving that Bush lied us into war. In a parallel universe somewhere, he is impeached and imprisoned.

But not here.

I'm really ready for vacation.

<1900>

Yesterday I utterly failed to accomplish things, and then I went to a prty thrown by a classmate and fellow New Mexican. She made posole with green chile and potatoes that was so friggin delicious. Like, yum. That was good times. Today: work work work.

Can I just note that "You're so smart help us help us help us!" gets very old, especially when I'm trying to do my damn work that I just started. One of the girls is totally okay, because she generally asks me things in a collaborative and non-demanding tone, and she actually has useful things to say back much of the time. But the others can be a little demanding, and they think praising me gives them some kind of right to be that way. I'm not your damn tutor. I am generally open to being helpful, but, come on, have a little consideration.

Also, I hate that kind of praise. Somehow I find it so depersonalizing.

<2033>

Success! Got my 4-pager done, managed to sleep last night, finished my presentation and managed not to sound too idiotic, and just finished my paper (which I hoped to complete before class, but whatev). So, this weekend I need to write the RO1 piece, edit my manuscript, and do a problem set. I should stick to those and not try to look ahead in the week, because the rest is easy.

So, the NYT had an article about Christmas in Santa Fe. Man, I hope a bunch of assholes don't decide to come to Santa fe for Christmas because of it. Thank goodness it's *so damn expensive* to get to NM for Christmas.

Now time for 57 eps of Desperate Housewives. Woo trashy TV.

<1128>

I've almost finished my measly 4-page paper, but I'm going to do it tomorrow. I fired off most of it, as expected. Today I did nothing productive during the break, opting instead to come up with potential board member descriptions for the department student group. Yikes. I need to write a fake proposal and presentation for Friday's class so I don't fail. Such a colossal waste of time. The end is totally in sight, though.

Tonight I did make time to go to a fondue party for various social and behavior science doctoral students from around the school. It was delish, but I ate waaaaay too much chocolate.

I re-irked myself this morning, with stupid shit and paranoia (although it's not paranoia if it's probably true, and it's not insane to think people might behave in childish ways). Then I had a boomerang into feeling overly generous and nearly exerting effort. But I've settled into comfortable uncaring now, I believe.

<1431>

Woo, blood donation. Now I don't feel like doing any work.

<2334>

Boo, you whore.

I did completely psychologically beneficial, but ultimately non-priority work this weekend. But it was nice to cross a crapload of reading off the list.

Today was catchup with people day, as I had lunch with Roxanne and Justin IM'd me (we're missing tamale making again!). Big plans for NM during the break!

Usually, I don't care, but sometimes...

I've been watching too much 2nd season House lately...

You know, the caring is actually really abstract. And part of me does a lot to keep it abstract these days... at least, I'm definitely not exerting any effort to keep a real connection. It's like, I just don't want to. I try to psyche myself up, guilt myself out into feeling like I should write or call. But then I feel like, why? I should write or call all the people I haven't talked to in forever that feel like friends when I do talk to them. I don't feel like keeping in touch just for the heck of it, because I know I'll pay more in awkwardness than I'll reap in meaning. I have better things to do.

<1644>

This was a pretty good week, and I even finished all my work. I met with my advisor a few times this week, and I'm feeling pretty good about stuff. I'm helping out with this RO1 for an HIV intervention, and it has room for a grad student on it, which might be me! So that'd be some money. R also wants to retune our paper and submit it to the Lancet, which you may have heard of. That would kick ass. We also talked some about the dissertation process, and he said that he expected me to do orals by around the end of 2006 or spring 2007, which means I have more time than I expected. He thinks I should have a really solid proposal by the time I do orals, such that I can basically take the lit review and methods and take them straight into the dissertation. I think that sounds good.

Tuesday night we had our department holiday party at the Hopkins Club, which is just like the Faculty Club, for the Cambridge crowd. It was super nice. There were waiters in tuxes that walked around with hors d'oeuvres like cheesy stuffed mushrooms. Delightful! I got the last number in the white elephant gift exchange... Sarah had actually drawn it, but since she organized it, she felt like she couldln't keep it, and I was faster than my colleagues in snatching up her offer to switch. So I got the choice between opening the last gift or stealing, so I stole a bottle of wine. Woo.

Wednesday was grand round with our department chair, which was cool. It was also the ANTM finale, which was a travesty. I mean, it's not a bad choice, but it was just ridiculous that they went through the photo comparison week by week and then made the decision that totally went against everything that was said there.

Yesterday was party fun. Happy Hour, followed by going to a nice restaurant, which was tasty. Then Erin and I went to Brewer's Art. It was good to go out with her, because she was like, we have to be social with people, and that was good because I would otherwise never do that. We tried talking to all these rockclimbing boys that were around, but they just seemed interested in talking to each other. We ended up talking to this other pair of guys who were pretty cool. We were out way too late, but it was fun.

Of course, this has totally wrecked my day, as I got up late and I'm not motivated. Also, UNM hoops is on the TV.

<2319>

Today: productivity. Got up early-ish, finished reading the articles for my research summary, slammed it out part during class and right after. Then worked on my reading list for teaching, and just finished it (it's kinda crap compared to other people's, but it fits what the assignment actually asks). I stayed after school to work on the problem set, which was a great idea because it's mostly done, and there were people there who'd been working on it who could give me quick feedback on what to do. Plus, we collectively changed that class to pass/fail today, making our world of hurt much brighter. So, after a weekend of nothing, major production.

It snowed a little tonight... I don't think we'll get a whole lot more, but this did not keep hopeful people from wishing for a delay tomorrow. :-)

<1102>

Yesterday I somehow managed to squeeze in three loads of laundry. The washer was even open when I started! Today: landlord is doing laundry again.

I really ought to keep track of the number of days my landlord does laundry, and approximately how many items of clothing he has in the basement at any given time. It was amsing to note that C&J's crazy landlord also seemed to keep piles of laundry in the basement.

I did next to nothing yesterday. I didn't even go to Red Maple because I couldn't get my posse to go and assure me someone to talk to. I thought maybe I'd still have time to go to the science museum today, but I really don't think so. I should work. Poo.

<2318>

I got my advisor to pay attention to me!!! After the latest nagging, he finally read my idea spewage, and he actually got jazzed about a couple of them. I knew speaking his language would work. It also got him to actually explicitly get me helping out on this grant he's submitting, instead of just the offhanded mention and forgetting I got before. So woo! This means I should get my other work finished, though, so I'll have more time to be useful!

I really should have gone touristy today, given the craptacularly small amount of work I've done. But, if I can get these last few articles read, I ought to be able to write this little 3-pager tomorrow between classes. I hope. I just don't have much room to write, so how long could it take?

It's supposed to friggin snow tomorrow! I put snow shovel and ice scraper on my whiteboard to remind me to buy them, thinking for some reason that this time was far away. Poo!

<1402>

So, the project I finished up yesterday was a manuscript, and I hope we can send it off next week. If it gets accepted, it'll be my 2nd first author paper, which is pretty sweet.

After work, I went to happy hour, which was happy as always. Then I just bummed around last night. Today I need to get crackin on some work, and then I may go out to a farewell party tonight for this guy that's moving to Cairo to run things. If I can get a satisfactory amount of work done today, tomorrow I'm going to try to hit the sights for dollar days, esp the science museum and the top of the world observatory.

So, Thursday night was the lighting of the monument down in Mt. Vernon. I didn't go last year because it was ass cold, but this year the girls picked me up from work for some dinner and then we walked over. It was pretty cheesy, but great. Basically all the event is that they turn on thsese strands of lights that are hung vertically from the top to the base of the monument... really decorated houses have more lights than these. But there are fireworks that shoot out of the top of the monument and from the ground, so that's exciting. After that, we went to a friend's house in the area who was having hot cocoa and the best molasses cookies ever.

I'm kinda ready for vacation.

<1601>

Hmmm, an hour left in the day, just finished off a project. I hate that. I never manage to finish something with 15 minutes left in the day, always a whole damn hour. This week at work was kinda wack... I didn't have classes today and yesterday, for different planned reasons, so I worked. Yesterday I got in to discover that I couldn't log into the computer. That happened in September when I switched over from CCP money to AED money... no one seemed to know I still worked here. Turns out they said I'd be here for 3 months, which expired Nov 30. SO, that took like 3.5 hours to straighten out, during which I just read this book on entertainment education. So then today, we have what we think is a fire drill. But there was no message coming out of our alarms, and they had said not to pay attention to the clacky alarms if that didn't happen. But then there were fire trucks outside, and we could hear a message from the hallway, so we went out and then Ana and I went to have lunch. Turns out, we didn't need to evacuate at all. The problem was at Expedia, which I didn't even know lived in this building. Some guy was working on a panel and set off their version of sprinklers in their machine room... since they can't have water spraying around the core of their business infrastructure, they instead have some kind of system that takes the oxygen out of the room so fire will die. And anything else that might be in there. Hence, alarms. But all was well in the end.

More later, I got distracted by talking and now it's time for happy hour.

<2005>

Mmm, Storey, you must say more about race and Charlotte Simmons. I haven't read this book, nor will I probably ever, I'm just intrigued. I do have to say, though, I don't really think a generalizable view of college can really be gained from either of our college experiences... somewhow I think Brandeis (and, don't get me wrong, Harvard) are not overly typical. Not that I think a 74-year-old man is going to figure it out after a quick national tour.