{6,1}
Aw, my poor baby... I miss him. I was so glad to talk to him tonight when craziness was happening, but I felt bad for making him sound so sad.

Ugh, I don't want to have to interact with most people today. I'd rather just sit and read.

So, Nate was trying to fix his computer in the Band Room today, but he left it there while we were having our little meeting. I had these emails when I got home:

********************************************
Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2001 22:39:17 -0400 (EDT)
From: Nate
Subject: pee

Hey A--

I drink myu ^H^H
my own urine. This is something you should know.

Love,
********************************************
Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2001 22:40:09 -0400 (EDT)
From: Nate
Subject: urine

Hey A --

I think you should know taht I drink my own urine.
Nate
********************************************
Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2001 22:40:34 -0400 (EDT)
From: Nate
Subject: pee

Did I say urine? I meant pee. I drink pee.

Love,

Nate
********************************************
Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2001 22:41:15 -0400 (EDT)
From: Nate

Pee keeps me looking young. It is also low calorie.

mmmm.....

would you like to drink my pee?

Love,
Nate
********************************************
Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2001 22:41:43 -0400 (EDT)
From: Nate
Subject: hi a

Guess what? I think I've fallen for you....

Will you drink my pee?

Erin
********************************************
Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2001 22:42:11 -0400 (EDT)
From: Nate
Subject: erin

Ooopas... did I say erin? I mean nate.

Love,

Nate

PS I drink pee.
Marry me.

{5,7}
Two down, six and half to go! Today went very well. Two new prop crew kids who seem to like us and who say they are coming to the party and who want to go to Cornell. Awesome. And everything went really well, and even though we weren't very big we sounded good. And I'm only a little tired instead of exhausted!

And last night... it had pathos. It was cloudy and sort of windy. The road up the hill was steep, and when we got to the top, we were faced with an entire campus, but one completely quiet, void of people. It took about forty minutes to reach our destination, wandering around in search of direction. But the kid was okay, he seemed calm and settling. It made me feel better to see him okay.

{5,6}
I will journey after dinner to the top of the hill... that I can go there with only a little trepidation speaks to how far I have come. But it is entirely different in my mind from what I experienced. It is the house of the most gone.

But I feel... better, after the phone call. Amused, certainly. I don't quite know what to do with how I feel at times like these.

{5,5}
Last night was a little weird... got a phone call from AZ's roommate, who sounds exactly like Justin. Kid was missing. Now he's found, but I'm not sure where he is.

In other news things are actually falling in line very well. Jesse has rediscovered his love for truck driving, and JRod is being helpful with getting the truck. Several bandies will probably be in early to help load, and I've talked with two new people who will probably show up Saturday morning. Yay! There's no crisis we can't fix.

Sometimes I wonder if Tom reads this page... he asked me today if the crusties were being a pain. I guess he meant more along the lines of what he saw of them at the game, how they mostly didn't play and didn't come off as very supportive and whatever. The thing is that as individuals, they have mostly all been helpful in prety big ways. But as a mob... yech. It would be cool if they played, but eh. I'm more annoyed when they keep me up late.

{5,3}
Yesterday was horrible (okay, on a relative scale... the ME scale). I woke up, with the ookiness in my head turned into a full cold. I get dressed to discover I don't have my keys. Figuring I locked them in my office (for the first time ever... not like old lcard who locked them in all the time ;-) ), I go down to the Band Room in the hopes that someone with a key to my office is there. There is a guy in the stair painting the walls, and so the route to the BR is treacherous. He moves his paint bucket out of my way, but there was a drop cloth on the bottom step which either lead to me slipping or missing the step completely... I was sort of confused. At any rate, I twisted that same damn ankle I twisted summer-before-last, and bumped the shin of my other leg. And then only Jordan was down there, so I couldn't get my keys anyway. I limped off to find the book I needed for class (which I did find, in maybe the only piece of luck yesterday... oh yeah, except that a cheaper copy arrived at Wordsworth *today* now that I already have it, so nevermind on the luck), and then went to class.

So, the day went by fairly mundanely until the evening. Someone on my staff who has a very essential job had emailed me saying he needed to talk to me about something important. In summary, he quit. But that's only a fraction of what was awful about the conversation. It turns out that he needs an awful lot of help, and that the appearance he gives off does not match the horrors going on inside his head. We talked for hours, and I was left exhausted. Fortunately, my mother called when I got home, and that put me in a much better mood. But I look back on the conversation as a nightmare... it didn't align with my reality up to that point at all. I never had any clue. It's almost scarier when people don't give off any clues.

So today I wake up and my ankle is not feeling so hot, and I'm coughing, but that's not so bad. I was supposed to go to lecture (GenEd 105... any bets on whether I went?), and I am supposed to go to an Arts Leaders Luncheon, but I figure I should stay off the foot as much as I can until class. I have a billion things I need to do now to get this weekend under control, and I'm gimpy and sick!

{4,7}
The day went very well.

I HATE CRUSTIES! Except Lisa. The rest of the are fucking assholes. No one (crusties and most undergrads) give a fucking crap what I have to go through during the day, they still want to fulfill their selfish needs. I've had possibly the hardest year in Band Manager history, and no one has any desire to make my life easier. And... goddamit. I wish I didn't have to deal with this stupid shit at the end of the day. All I wanted to do was curl into a ball, but I knew that no one else would take care of a goddamn thing (except Nate, he ruled and stayed until the end of the party, as he has the whole year... and Andrew, who has done his job wonderfully) and so I had to go. I had a great time until the fucking crusties wouldn't leave. And now I feel awful. And I can't even talk to anyone. I should wake someone up, but god forbid I wake him up even though he's woken me up several times just to talk. Fuckers. I hate everyone. It's not that... I care about people who don't even care about themselves and can't possibly care about anything beyond themselves. And it's a waste of time.

I was too mad before I went to bed. I still hate crusties, though. The issue was not having to do anything during the party... I was just helpful where I could be, and having fun with the rest. The issue is knowing that everyone is always willing to be helpful until the end of the night, and then all the crap gets left to a very few remaining people. I guess last night wasn't bad, because Erin was still there too by the end... and the crusties were largely okay, but I just wanted them to go home. I'm just tired of feeling like I have to stay until the end.

{4,6}
Comically awkward moments. Oh my...

Goal for Friday: eliminate the Everett factor.

Goal successful.

Ugh... now if only there were a dependable truck driver... I just want to curl up in a little ball and die. I hate Prop Crew when I have to deal with it not working. I don't know what's going to happen to it when I leave. Maybe it's getting to be about time to stop bringing the drum to things and start renting a minivan to haul our shit instead. I'd much rather drive a minivan than the truck. The thought of having to drive the truck at all tomorrow makes me sick. I really don't want to get up early... I thought those days were over.

{4,5}
Thursday already. Yikes.

So, I went to the Sox game with Matt last night. The game was pretty boring, but I had fun. We live in a wacky country... instead of Take Me Out to the Ball Game during the 7th inning stretch, we sang America the Beautiful. And there was a little singalong to New York, New York during on of the inning breaks. Totally weird. I got to meet Matt's sister, who I would never have guessed was his sister if I'd just run into her somewhere. She's pretty funny, though. Matt said that he was in a catty mood, but I actually found him to be in a pretty good mood, and so that was nice, since we haven't really hung out in a while.

My dad comes in tonight!

{4,3}
I was too harsh on Widener Library. It turns out all my overdue books were stamped with the right date, it's just that the one I opened up to check had September 10, *2000* also stamped, more visibly than the other, tragically-earlier-in-September date. Oh well.

{4,2}
My email today has been completely surreal.

{4,1}
The party ended pretty early... quarter after three. But lots of kids were there early. This freshman class is quite something. The party was a lot of fun. But now I'm sitting here all dressed up still... Jenn is... out... and I wish... well, I wish I had logged in a little earlier to say hi and I wish I could talk anytime I wanted. But I am happy. Just not quite ready to sleep.

Hearing airplanes still makes me cringe.

There's exactly one troublesome thing about watching old videos.

{3,7}
Wesley was pretty cool, but moreso before the show when he was doing the head-but thing. I wished they would have turned down the keyboard so I coul hear more of what he was singing. I was extra impressed with the opening act, this white rapper dude who was just hysterical.

{3,6}
Ya know, every once in a while, I hate the Band.

Especially three obnoxious people who when they get together turn into a negative pile of uselessness. I thought that sort of negativity went away when... well, I'm not going to go there. But I wasn't very nice about it and I'm not sorry.

I can't wait to see Wesley Willis, however. :-)

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself tomorrow. I hope my year as Manager will be the bizarrest year in Band history. I've been telling people that if I had been told in November that Tom would take a leave of absence, I would have said, okay, the old man is tired and stressed and nearing retirement. If I'd been told we'd end up as four, I would have bought that too. But if anyone had said that our first football game would be cancelled due to terrorist attacks with airliners crashing into New York City, I would have told that person to take a walk. Rar. I'm kind of depressed about it.

{3,5}
I remember why. That is so much consolation.

Windows ME can blow me.

{3,4}
Look at me, not sleeping. I have lots of shopping to do tomorrow, so what do I do instead of going to bed when I'm tired but calm? I watch plane crash videos on cnn.com. They have the sickest one up there now of the 2nd crash, from the side of impact, with people screaming in the background who are watching with the camera. So guess who's not calm anymore. And other people are sleeping. I wish someone else was still awake. I wish someone else was here. Jenn went to bed early like a smart person. I should just curl into a ball in my bed until I sleep. I can't believe this. Part of me doesn't want to put it away. I don't want to shove it aside like some movie I watched. But it's all so unfathomable, so beyond logic, beyond words.

I have to say I concur with Storey. I mean, sure, my first instinct was revenge... KILL THOSE FUCKERS. And if they can track down the remaining instigators... well, I'm a big fan of torture over death in these cases, but there ya go. But the sort of generalized bloodlust... yargh. Read an article by William Pfaff from yesterday called "Attacks Show That Political Courage Is the Only Real Defense", if you can find it on the web. My office computer is sucking, so I can't find a good link. But his basic point is that it's not really effective to retaliate to terrorism violently. And none of what happened yesterday could have been prevented by martial law, or a missile defense shield, or almost anything that people are going to bring up. Terrorists are going to keep it low-tech and go under our noses, so the motivation has to go away. Unless these people are just freaking bonkers, but I think maybe that's too easy an answer.

None of that really made sense. Gah. What does.

To paraphrase Matt, I hate that this is our world now.

The consolation today is shopping for courses like it's normal. The bummer about college is that once you're finally comfortable, it's almost time to leave. I just feel so un-nervous about this year. Okay, maybe it's because I only have 6 courses left, 5 of which will be electives. But still.

Although the not consoling thing was walking out of Lamont and hearing planes. I knew they were military planes, because they sounded like military planes, but I still scoured the sky until I saw them anyway. I saw several other people doing the same. This world, this world.

When am I going to officially give up for good?

{3,3}
I can't believe today. I can't believe today is happening.

{2,6}
When in doubt, change your life.

I feel bad. But I don't think I can really do anything about it. I'm findable, that's all I can do.

Goddamn it, Bandies can be assholes sometimes. And Tom is a pain for interrupting my lunch so I don't end up getting any.

Bud is so sweet, though. He got me lunch even though I was being cranky and said I didn't want any. He's so awesome! He, among others, have just been so helpful and nice this week.

Rehearsal went great, and maybe I was more excited about Larry Summers than anyone else was, but I was proud of being able to get him there to say hi. And the barbecue was lots of fun again, and even though JRod was being kind of a spaz around the grill, he makes the tastiest burgers ever, so it's completely fine.

I am feeling incredibly lazy. I know I should go to tonight gathering, especially since it's just over in Adams, but damn am I tempted by sleep. But I guess I should go for a while.

So, it's kind of dangerous having a TV. Although it pretty much only gets Fox, so it's slightly less dangerous. But Love Cruise starts Tuesday, and if there are two places where I can watch it, I'm certainly going to be watching it if it's at all scandalous.

{2,5}
Oh my God! Bitch slap!

It's the best thing ever when someone busts out with all the things you were always thinking but never had the balls to say. Wow. Awesome.

{2,4}
I hate getting up early. But auditions are going well.

Here's one I'd like to write: "You're a huge asshole. I also wanted to say hi."

{2,3}
Dear fucking idiot,
For the love of God, stay away from her. You put her through months of shit, you cheated on her, you mooched off of her, you lied to her, and you didn't have enough respect for her to tell her what an asshole you were. Leave her alone. Don't email her with your manipulative shit. Don't cry to her with your shit about missing her and needing her because while you may convince yourself you're telling the truth, you're just being selfish. Grow up, you stupid pig.

God, I hate men.

{2,2}
Ah, finally a breather. I was on phones this morning, and it was hell, but now the froshies are in placement tests. Wahoo! I am s happy. There are so many bandes around! I've seen a billion today who came to get mini-hubs. And last night was so great, with the room all full of people. We collectively got so much done yesterday; in the morning, nothing was ready, and by the end of the day, everything was set. And the posters make me giggle. Everything is working out really well.

And us four old people got along exceptionally yesterday. That was cool.

I am cranky about seemingly being ignored, but fortunately I'm too occupied to care very much.

I wonder if once upon a time I was as clueless a UA as many of the younger ones seem to be. Sadly, I think I was. But now I'm ancient and I know everything.

I forgot to mention that, actually. We played "Who Wants to Be a User Assistant?" I went up first for my team and got up to $500,000 before wimping out on the last question about the real name of the Pfoho printer (yeah, it actually is north.laser). But that ended up being way more than any other team answered. Fortunately, I had a good team for the questions about which I was retraded. But dude. I guess working on the knowledge base has also helped.

{1,7}
Oh my God, today was so much earliness waking up.

So, I finally got my desktop up to my room, thanks to JRod and his roommate. Woohoo! But I have gotten used to the laptop, so this computer seems really old and slow now. Poo desktop. But it holds so many things, like mp3s and docs that I had missing for three months. Although maybe the docs are a good thing to have unaccessible. But that's okay. I was reading through an old mailbox that doesn't exist in the same way anymore. Maybe that was a poor idea. But maybe it's important to remember everyone's capacity to be an asshole.

Oh, speaking of that, some girl in the lab today called me over. It was clear to me right away she wasn't a native English speaker, and she points to her email, clearly from a friend who *was* a fluent speaker, which mentioned that some guy was being an asshole. The girl asked me politely what 'asshole' meant. I almost died.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10 11 12 INC