Diet Study, day 1. Lunch was quite tasty, once I got to it... study coordinator didn't tell us exactly where to go. The dietician is cool, and was humorously realistic about how little they will feed us once the treatment diet starts. Apparently some people lose weight on the control diet... I didn't believe this, seeing all the butter I had to eat with lunch, but now that I'm at home having eaten all my allotted food for the day, I can see how even the control diet is tough. I'm used to snacking, I realize... no wonder I haven't lost weight! At any rate, the folks who were eating lunch who have been on the treatment diet a while said the first few weeks are really hard, but your body gets used to the amount of food you put in. I also guessing that once I get used to the whole system in general that I will be able to space out food better though having to eat all my lunch there is a bit of a pain).

In good news about the hospital stay, one dude mentioned that as phone lines are available, internet can be accessed by modem. So, I will not be internet deprived (though I hope I do not deprive my parents of internet by hogging the AOL...). And there will be cable, which will provide plenty of entertainment. I think I will be able to amuse myself for three days... it's not like I'm doing lots of stuff on weekends anyway.

It is always interesting in research to see how participants' excitement levels differ. I am thrilled to be in the study, I've been planning on it, I understand all the details, I'm all set to go. The other woman who started today... well, for starters, she didn't seem that bright, but maybe she just wasn't briefed too well during the screening. But I really think she hadn't paid much attention or hadn't read the consent form or something, whereas I am meticulous with consent forms. She had lots of dumb questions. She also seemed wary, not psyched about eating tofu (which she's never even tried... dude, how can you have never even tried tofu?) and was just not up to speed on anything. These people baffle me; how can you join a study and not be informed about what it involves. People like this baffle me for the simple surveys I administer; the diet study involves *lifestyle* changes.

H was giving me a bit of a hard time this morning for being grouchy. I am tired, but I refrained from telling her that part of the impetus for further grouchiness was that she was starting to do a task I had already done. This was the task of checking surveys for The Real Answers for places where the two databases with the entered data disagreed. Roughly 60% of these disagreements happened because she can't enter data worth a crap. But I refrained from saying this. People would think I am the nicest person in the world if only they knew the things I don't say.

The place is becoming more irksome by the day. And in a greater variety of ways. I really don't think I can put up with it that much longer... it's like everyone has become this awful caricature of themselves.

Writing something today, I came to realize that I really have changed a hell of a lot in the last couple of years.

Man, the gym was insane tonight. Like, everyone decided it was time to work out. I used the bike for a little while, did some weights, and booked it. But the room did get into an amusing discussion about how we all like the Y because it doesn't have these little scrawny or buff girls running around... kinda funny, everyone basically saying, we're all dumpy chicks so it works out! I dunno, if I ever do get to bikini bod with this diet and exercise, I might have to leave just out of a sense of fairness.

Diet starts Friday... so I've been pigging out because I have to clean my fridge and eat everything I can't eat for a long time. It's like senior week, except with food instead of college. My current problem is that I have this salmon that I bought because I like salmon, but I don't really want to go through the trouble of cooking it (wonderful cook that I am), and I'd rather go out to eat the next couple of nights. So, if anyone in the area wants a salmon filet or steak or whatever it is, please come get it.

So, those bastards at the company that is selling the AA directories didn't tell me about the sales tax and shipping on my order, so it ended up being way more than I expected. I hope that the ease with which I just cancelled the order actually plays out in me getting a credit very soon. Rar. So, I will *not* be getting a directory, for any AA people who are interested. I would not suggest y'all getting one either.

Sleeeeepy... due to Super Bowlness, which was fun, I stayed up way past my bedtime, and though I set my alarm to sleep in a bit, I still woke up normal time. My stomach is not happy with being awake, and is grumbly.

HOW COULD YOU EVER HAVE DONE THAT TO ME??!?

Uh, pardon me. The previous outburst was brought to you by Reading Old Emails. Those things should really be locked up.

Ugh, but, god, it's amazing I haven't committed murder. Or torture followed by murder. I mean, fucking really.

I've felt so run down this week, which isn't good considering I start the diet study in a week, and for real in two weeks (the weekend of the hospital stay). I think it's just the cold... even though I'm inside nearly all day, I just *know* it's awful outside. Anyway, it's just disappointing after last week I went to the gym nearly every day that this week I have so far only gone once and will only go twice total (I'm going tomorrow, dammit).

A funny well-hidden secret I have is that when I'm watching movies by myself, I'm a leaky faucet. Like, a major crier. Anything remotely tearjerking will make me cry. For example, tonight, Monsters, Inc. I mean, come on! A kids movie! A fucking Disney movie! Crying like a baby. Fortunately, I am able to rigidly control this in the presence of others.

I'm waiting to see if and how long this quiz of Pro's takes to get back to me by a route that is not through me or through a path only of people I know mostly.

Davis Square was traumatic this evening. First off, on the way in on the 96, I can hear over the radio a report from the 94 bus that there is a medical emergency in Davis, and the T station stop is blocked. So, my driver starts conversing with the dispatcher about where to go. I get off the bus, and the ambulances are right there, and inside one of them I see this old dude who looked like he was probably homeless. It really almost made me cry, because I bet he nearly froze to death somewhere outside, and he probably wasn't able to get himself somewhere safe. And then I was waiting inside the station on the other side of the street for the bus, and some woman comes off the escalator with two dogs, one of which yelped getting off the escalator. It soon became apparent as she crouched down to check out the dog that it had caught a nail in the escalator and had subsequently done bad things to its paw. It bled all over, and dog blood is really thick and bright, and nasty. She carried it away. I mean, really, what a dumbass. Even I know dogs shouldn't be on an escalator.

I was in Davis because I was going home from Harvard, where I got my hair cut. I was hoping Really Cool Guy would cut my hair, but this kid from Santa Fe occupied him for too long, and so Not-As Cool Lady cut my hair. She, like, scraped my ear with the comb many times, sprayed me in the face with water, and left my hair parted totally stupidly. I should have given her a shittier tip than I did, because she sucked. Maybe someday I will get a real haircut, but easy and fast and cheap are always so tempting.

Though Pro's Country Quiz is brilliant, his recent insane babbling on happy couples and capitalism displays at least two major errors in logical reasoning, namely attributing causation where maybe, at best, correlation exists, and generalizing from anecdotal evidence. I would go on, but I have to get to work this morning. Pro, what the hell? I thought you were familiar with solid argumentation. This rant about happy coupledom defeating capitalism reads like Nate's rant about exercise defeating depression! Well, I once got rid of hiccups by putting a pepperoni slice in my mouth and holding it there while swallowing orange juice, so I'm publishing in JAMA next week about my wonderful hiccup cure. I will rant more on this later.

Okay, Pro's argument, quoted from his page: "This reminded me of something that I think is a big wrench for American capitalism & really throws it off... people in happy relationships. I think Em & I might've felt a lot more vulnerable to the show a couple years ago when insecurity about one's romantic life can convince you that TLC or MTV have things to say about how you can find the right person for you. But now it just looked like a self-evident farce, because how could we need to impress someone who themselves is probably vacuous with stupid clothing changes? As Brandzel has long talked about, people in happy relationships have so much less reason to be insecure & consume, making them the ultimate enemy of capitalism. In this context, (here comes the real thrust of my argument) the collapse of successful marriage as a common thing in the last 25 years may have much more to do with the increase in commercialism in said time, especially with the expansion of advertisement & negative/insecurity-based advertising. Take that, right-wing conservatives! It's really your business-oriented muck that's responsible for the decline of the traditional family!"

Okay, first of all, dude, the argument is confused. People in happy relationships fight capitalism, but capitalism destroys relationships. Uh, pick one. I think both of these things can be true, but then we're not talking about relationships, we're talking about insecurity. People in happy relationships might have fewer feelings of insecurity and thus are less prone to commercialism, and people who are feeling insecure might have problems with their relationship and with commercialism. But there are lots of secure folks outside of relationships, and there are lots of insecure folks in relationships, so the whole notion of relationships in this argument is not very useful outside of the idea that maybe they make people feel more secure. Or maybe they make some people feel more secure. See what I was talking about with misattributed causality? It could possibly be that other factors which contribute to insecurity and instability in the world contribute to both the decline in marital stability AND vulnerability to commercialism, or one could cause the other or vice versa. To claim one of these possibilities over the others without any shred of evidence is pretty silly. My hunch is vulnerability to commercialism has more to do with personal insecurity, and that is as affected by relationships as by stable employment as by a lot of other important life things. To claim one of these things as "the ultimate enemy of capitalism" is to be blinded by one's own source of happiness. Ironically, all the media does is tell us we should all be in relationships to be happy, and here you are, Prozers, giving us another dose of the same bad medicine. And since when did you care about people being happy anyway?

Furthermore, consumption can be value-neutral. I personally like shopping, I like clothes, I like looking good. Not more than I like being a good person and having a good personality, but as much as I like having fun and eating good food and a lot of other not-life-important luxuries. I would agree that in the case Pro describes (not quoted above), this woman is being forced into a lifestyle she doesn't really want, but one should not assume that consumption equals insecurity or unhappiness or anything. Correlation is not causation, behaviors have many sources.

In other news, I am feeling positively bleh today. Like, stomach bleh. Not pain, just grumbliness. Rar. Yesterday I felt bleh, but like, mental bleh. I blame this on Poo, who 1) got me thinking about applying to schools, which made me do way too much internet surfing and thinking about possibly moving or possibly staying, both fraught with issues; 2) got me thinking about people leaving again, which sucks; 3) got me thinking about how the hell I am going to find more roommates when the time comes. This is all pretty unproductive, except maybe the school stuff, which helped me come to the conclusion that I am far more interested in the public health programs I read about than the org behavior programs I had been looking at before. There are also a pretty confined number of public health schools and programs, which makes searching tons easier. But then I started fussing about what to do with an MPH anyway. I will definitely need to continue on with school if I want to accomplish anything in my life, and as an MD is out of the picture, I'd need to get some sort of doctoral degree in all likelihood. Ack, work! But, at least it's another attainable goal in the big picture, and if I just keep taking it one thing at a time, it won't all feel like some horrible Thing that has to be solved Now.

Arg, Storey, you still don't get it. I would agree with your second premise of "virtually no one is really secure on their own, with those appearing to be secure mostly covering up for insecurities" if the rest of what you're saying didn't seem to be equating "on their own" with "no significant other"? Now, I know you can't possibly mean that, or, if you do, you're wrong wrong wrong. I don't know bout you, but I get by with a little help from my friends... I'm not a fucking bird, I don't need to pair bond. I sometimes have this idea that having a boyfriend might be good, but truthfully, I'm not so sure I'm not way better off as I am with the friends I have. OF COURSE people are happier with other people in their lives, for most values of people. But why it has to be this silly significant other crap is what grates on me. And I still think that what you really are trying to say, Pro, is that some people are dumb and will be swayed by media images no matter what, and most of us are a little vulnerable and being in a relationship helps close up that vulnerability. But the dumb people are screwed no matter what, dude! Being in a relationship helps them, like, not at all. It affects nothing. It's only for the slightly vulnerable that it matters. I can buy this limited argument, but I don't think it's a very interesting argument. I think dumb and shallow people are far more dangerous to their own relationships than advertising. And not-dumb and not-shallow people can fend off advertising pretty well without being in a relationship.

Ugh, maybe I'm just tired of hearing from everywhere, including from people who should have more sense, that being attached to one other person is really all that. It's not, at least not for everyone at every time. Like mentioned above, sometimes I really try to wish I had a boyfriend, but, you know what? I *like* my life, I like making my own schedule and doing my own thing and seeing a variety of friends. I feel better than I ever have, I'm less lonely than I've ever been, I'm more physically healthy than I've been in years, and I feel capable, all because I have worked on living life on my own terms, dependent on myself. And that's not the path for everyone, it's not the way to fight all evil, it's not any of that. Because there's no such thing.

Hey Pro, don't you mean "codependent"? ;-)

Though I guess it could be said I sometimes promote cynical misanthropy more than independence. But with such good reason usually!

In starting to poke around at grad school web sites, I have started thinking about being a freshman and knowing people who were then my age and thinking of them as so old and wise in so many ways. Now I'm there, and I know that they were not so old nor so wise nor so with it, and, ha, they still aren't, clearly. It's strange to have a feeling of catching up to your role models. Maybe I just need much older role models.

Why must I torture myself by looking at Boston's weather, followed by Albuquerque's?

I'm processing. It's better if I take things in and don't output judgements on them.

Okay, Storey wins the prize for fucking greatest quiz ever: the Country Quiz. It's really funny. I got China and Texas before settling on Cuba: "How bad can you really be? So many people have said so many bad things about you, but you know they can't all be true. Not even most of them. You went a little crazy for a while, but now you're just getting older and tired of all the nasty stuff people think about you. You could use a little more money and you really wish people wouldn't keep leaving you for richer people, but other than that, things aren't so bad. You really like used military clothing." This is perfect! The other two would have been perfect in recent years, but not now. :-)

Is there a Coen brothers movie that does not deserve my undying love? The Hudsucker Proxy I watched today, and added to my collection of love.

I don't know what to do.

Hmm, I thought that Daniel was going home tonight, but he seems to be going home tomorrow. This kind of cramps my style.

I fit into my $14 peach prom dress! The dress I wore for my 20th birthday! Turn back the clock, baby! This is the dress I try on every so often, and I finally got it to zip up all the way (the best it fit in the first place). I hope to wear it again for my birthday this year, and actually have it fit decently!

What would be the disadvantage of having an imaginary friend? Well, an imaginary friend isn't really there for you in a time of need. Hmmm... check. Well, an imaginary friend doesn't share anything with you. Hmmm. Check. Well, actually, an imaginary friend doesn't communicate with you at all, even about mundane stuff. Uh, huh. Oh, but an imaginary friend can't stress you out, break your heart, and cause you no end of worry and sorrow. Well then, I guess I'll take the imaginary friend then.

Not to neglect the many real, good friends I do have, Lisa and I are going to Redbones tonight, which is fab because I've never been there.

Oh my god, so fulllll.....

I have made consultation, and all are agreed. Time for a change, for good.

I will make a loan of benefit of the doubt. Defaulting means termination.

Things have been going well lately. I think I'm finally in the swing of living like an actual adult. When I came back, I cleaned my room, and ever since, it's stayed that way through small daily effort. I finally told myself not to be so lazy, because I am clearly not so busy that my room has to get so messy. And I've been keeping on top of a lot of things that way. I guess it started at work before the new year, but now it's traveled home too. I've got back into the gym routine (even though yesterday required a long, cold walk to get there from Union Square, thanks to the E line being broken), which has helped me to sleep better (along with diligent opening of windows as soon as I get home to cool off my room). I'm even managing to floss my teeth every day. These little things seem not very exciting, I'm sure, but to me they're crucial.

Man, I'm such a sucker. I just bought a way-too-expensive copy of the to-be-released AA alumni directory. So... nobody else out there buy one, you can share mine so I feel better about it.

I retract my scathing things I said about Band parties on worknights. Sunday is NOT a worknight, and I keep forgetting. Monday is a holiday! Thank you, MLKJr! I can go to the party!

Ugh. I was having an already-frustrating phone interview when the woman started CRYING. We were on the mental health scale, and she started going on about her son who is sick and how she'll be all alone if he goes. I'm like, oh my god, shoot me now. I had no idea how to proceed, but I managed to get through the rest gracefully, skipping less-important questions that might inspire further weeping.

I need to feel undrained so I can go to the gym. Another day of broken E line, so no matter what, I'll be doing some walking.

Above not true. I hopped to the shuttle bus and got on no problem. Seems that they figured out that YOU HAVE TO SEND MORE. It was a bit crazy, though... off the bus at Copley and onto a train, off the train at Gov Center and onto a train on the nother side to get to Lechmere. But there was no delay on any of these transitions. And then when I got to Lechmere, the nice man coordinating buses there pulled up a bus for folks to sit on and stay warm while waiting, which was absolutely great because it meant I actually didn't freeze my ass off. This man is my new hero.

And then it was off to the gym. My motivation has returned. And today, wonderful Elizabeth, who has been gone from work for a while, said, hey you lost weight! Which is not true, but I guess it means that I'm replacing fat with muscle, which is fab.

I have plans for every night this weekend! Whose life is this anyway?!

Tappan ZEE! That is my favorite fucking road name ever. It's like chimpanzee and trapeze. Say it with me: Tappan Zeeeeee!

Grrr! What the FUCK is with worknight Band parties!

I hate rambling old people. I can't wait for this week of interview hell to be over.

Will addiction win out over annoyance and stubbornness? I think it will. Damn.

It could be the 7 phone interviews. It could be the evening meeting keeping me here until 7pm. It could be the stress of trying to get this study finished now now now. It could be these things. But I don't think it really is.

I really can't understand why the old people have so much trouble turning pages in the photocopy. Just... keep going forward!

Who means "through" when "until" is totally implied?

GIVE ME BACK MY DEALER, YOU BITCH!

Yesterday I took the fake tattoos I bought at Target on clearance and stuck most of them to my laptop while watching a movie. Now the inside has ladybugs and roses, and the outside top has butterflies (in honor of my old monitor, which had butterfly stickers... which was in honor of my old childhood fear of this strawberry shortcake picture I had of a FUCKING GIANT butterfly that scared the crap out of me as a kid). Shiny and colorful!

I don't really know what will happen.

Wow, I have been up almost 24 hours. After work I went to the hockey game, which we won, killing yale 6-2. And their band sucked too. Then I went to the Cube, which was very enjoyable, and I just caught the very first bus home (that Cube is very conveniently placed on my favorite bus line). Lisa was up, being all screwed up from Paris, and it looks like I'll try to drive them to the airport so they can go to Arizona tomorrow... so I guess I better get to bed, eh?

I bought one of those little crates of clementines yesterday. I am hoarding them in my room, mostly so that when I feel snacky, they are the first thing I see. :-) They are so delightful.

My thoughts on the proposed tax cut, via 24: "If Plan A fails, what you need is a Plan B, not Plan A Recycled." In a fabulous powerful-sounding accent.

You know, I think there should be more protesting at fertility clinics. There's lots of protesting at abortion clinics, but nobody takes the step to think, hey, maybe more people would feel like having a kid to be adopted would be a good choice if there weren't a gajillion unwanted children in the world already. I can understand wanting to have your own kid, to a point. After that, it becomes wasteful nonsense. I know adoption isn't the easiest process in the world, but at some point, God or nature or karma or whatever is telling you reproduction is just not in the picture, so why not just do the right thing and adopt a kid. In fact, I think everyone should adopt a kid. When I become old enough to support another entity, I think I will do just that. Until then, maybe I will start an anti-reproduction movement in this country.

Tarzhay has claimed me as a victim yet again! Except this time I had a car! Ack! But now we have a microwave, and assorted other cute things like a great tablecloth and kitchen towel. And I have another fuzzy blanket, that matches my sheets. And teepee and paper towels. Oh, and massive stuff on clearance. Bought some Christmas ribbon at 90% off. Yes folks, that's take the price and move the decimal place to the left. It was pretty normal basic ribbon too, which is good because I have none and it lasts forever. Ah... but the microwave was massively on sale, which was great. I hope that doesn't mean this model is a piece of crap. It heated up some water just fine.

This article wants to let you know that Dick Cheney is not all that. In fact, he's kind of a bumbler. Like, in a serious way, not in a Dan Quayle way.

It's a beautiful night out. After a small blizzard this morning, it cleared up, and now it's pretty warm and clear outside.

I left work around 2:30, having worked extra yesterday and having come in early today and not taken lunch. I came home, hopped in Daniel's car, and headed to Market Basket. Things I did not know: 1) when clearing snow from one's car, one should also clear the roof, especially if there are inches of snow on it and it has been fairly warm all day. I have never had to deal with large avalanches falling onto the windshield before. I was actually totally amused, and the wipers cleared off stuff well and I didn't wreck. 2) Market Basket is fucking crowded on Wednesday at 4. Okay, it's usually crowded, but I kind of thought I would beat the crowd. No way. If you have ever been to a crowded grocery store, multiply that by fifty million, and you have Market Basket. I swear to God. But anyway, I bought the house, since I had a car. Like, seriously, three heavy trips up the stairs. This should hold me until the study starts, I'd say. And much of the stuff has some duration to it.

Then I took down the numerous bags of recycled paper to the curb, having discerned after four months of living here that Thursday is probably recycling day. Then I did laundry. I don't feel bad about not going to the gym, because I think I worked out plenty.

Man, Crappy McCrapface is gone for another week, and I want my 24. I want my Kiefer!

Another great web site.

I really need to find a way to stop feeling those little bursts of rage. But it's just like, "La dee da, we're sooo happy!" and I'm like, FUCK YOU.

Man, I was so productive at work today. Go me!

Best purchase of the season: new sneakers. Wow, what a difference! I can actually run fast when I'm not compensating for bad shoes! Okay, not fast, but... anyway. Though they still need breaking in and loosening up because foot numbness happened sort of rapidly today, like, after a half hour.

Ah, so good to go to the gym... it's been like two weeks.

Dooood, I need to do laundry. I have no motivation. I also have a grumbly stomach for some reason. I hope that reason is not Norwalk, but i guess we'll see. I hope my clean-enough-but-wrinkly pants will unwrinkle before tomorrow.

Okay, I must just be immoral. Every year people beg for spare Commencement tickets. They whine and cry and offer to pay. And every year I look at my Commencement ticket (legitimately Band-issued) and think, why don't people just buy some matching paper and photocopy this fucker? Seriously. It's made out of, like, flourescent card stock. No special markings, no imprints, no numbers, simple black ink, no perferations (hmmm, maybe perfs... but still, easy to fake). They are utterly counterfeitable. And yet every year, people act as if they are gold. I almost wish I had a family of 80 so that last year I could have executed this master plan, and then people would ask me, "How did you get so many tickets?" and I would say, "I'm fucking smarter than all of you summa pieces of shit." But, as it happens, my family is nice and small, and I have the Band to get me in forever with a real ticket.

Today I had blood drawn for the study (like, three vials! I got to get a good look at my blood in that little tube that comes out into the vial thingy). Then the dude handed me a cup to go pee in. I had no idea there would be a urine sample. I had peed when I got up, and had consumed nothing to indicate to my body that it should wake up and start making pee. So I dripped into the cup and brought it back, but the dude was in the other room being all lab-like, so I just left it on the desk where he had told me to, instead of shouting, "Hey dude, should I come back later and pee in this cup some more!" Especially since there was another clinician right there drawing blood from another person and already looked horrified by the presence of me and my pee (as if she'd never seen pee in a cup before... yeah, I've never seen a fucking knee survey before too, lady). So I ran away. I hope he could dilute it or something. Cuz there wasn't a lot. Not even a full sip.

Okay, that last paragraph might be up there on the grossest things I've ever written list.

So, no one has told me they want to audition for my movie. I'm annoyed that so many people bugged me about it, but then no one is being interested now. I know it's reading period, but bleh. I could spend my time doing other things too.

Sunday night I always go to bed as early as possible, with the best intentions. And then the insomnia hits. Then it's welcome to 2 am, and welcome to sleeping in too late to compensate and welcome to still being tired and not doing the things I need to do. Rar.

Also, loud trucks keep driving around, but the window must remain open because it's an inferno in here.

Ah yes, wanted to go to the gym, went home instead and crashed for 2.5 hours. Woke up, now I can't sleep again. It's too fucking hot in my room, and then my stomach decided to spaz for a while. The later it gets, the more my brain spazzes too. Second night in a row of hell getting to sleep. And, of course, I have to be in early tomorrow, because the study girl finally called me and wants be to have blood drawn in the morning.

The stomach spazzing may be from a lack of dinner (grumbly grumbly), but since I'm having that blood drawn, I can't really eat anything.

Another weekend I didn't leave the house upon my return on Friday... though I was far less bored than when that normally happens. Well, Friday night was busy trying to get the cars over to the other side of the street thanks to the snow emergency, which turned out to be a totally wussy one. This storm which absolutely bombed everything in its path completely died once it hit the coast. But not until I had to figure out a way to get my roommate's standard transmission death trap to the other side of the street. A friend saved the day and we hung out and drank tea.

Then yesterday I cleaned my room, which took all day but just because I was poking at it here and there. But it happened, much to my amazement. I even retooled the old Palm Pilot (thanks to my purchase of rechargeable batteries which makes the whole enterprise more feasible) and formatted my old computer. I also started reading my book for class, because I'm weird that way. Oh, and the Somerville Ho website got made between Friday and Saturday, which I've been putting off for weeks.

Today... okay, today was sad. I just watched 24 all day. Nine episodes. I really really only planned to watch one while I finished my coffee before going to the gym. But... I think I have a problem. Seriously, I know I just finished watching all the episodes not that long ago, but then I bought the first season, and it's so easy to say, oh, I have 40 minutes to kill, I'll just watch an episode. And suddenly it's bedtime or the next day or the next week and I'm watching the whole thing for the 5th time in a row and the only words that can come out of my mouth are "Kiefer...." and some drool and then I get paranoid that there is a conspiracy going on in the kitchen. Uh, yeah. So, at least I haven't missed any work due to my problem. Yet.

Things I have not lately been accomplishing: going to the gym, reading my other book, doing laundry, grocery shopping (which also means no eating of vegetables, though I did start eating the yogurt instead of other crap... not that there's much crap to eat either, just mediocre foods). Basically being an adult. It all starts tomorrow, I swear.

If anyone cares about times in my journals entries, they are commented out and can be viewed in the source. But I don't think anyone cares.

Today at work I have done jack shit. Woo Friday! I had a gajillion journals piling up in my mailbox, so I flipped through those for most of the day. Now I am up to date on health and medicine. In addition to this, there was an interview with an RA candidate, and a lengthy lunch with the kids.

I really did plan to go to the gym tonight, but I got on the train and started feeling yechy. I feared it was that hideous beastly virus that I hear is going around, but I think it was just tumbly rumblies. And tiredness. So, of course it's almost 11 and I'm still awake. I can never get myself to bed.

I made myself some rawking tapioca pudding, however. Though boiling pudding expands in volume very quickly, and I almost got it everywhere.

Am I wrong to feel angry about being purposely kept in the dark? It's worse that it's such a stupid thing to not mention to me. I maintained giving benefit of the doubt, but at this point it's clear that this practice of mine is more foolish than not most of the time.

Moved a bunch of crap around for the new year, but no style changes because I think this format is clear and easy to read. I kinda wish I could put time in in a non-ugly way, but I don't think it's that important.

New Year's in New York was lots of fun. Mostly we just hung out and watched TV and drank, but the people were amusing and I totally enjoyed myself. The bus rides weren't too horrible, and I don't feel too tired today after all that. Though I have no desire to go to work tomorrow.

My Amazon order was actually at my door when I came home Monday... so there has been much Kiefer. I love the Kiefer.

I do not love the frustration. Try to step back, try to step away. Try not to get so irked thinking about it.

Man, there is such a variety of goodness in freshmen. Like, some are really cool, and some never stop sucking.

Oh, no New Year's resolutions. I don't do them. I resolve all year round, and I think that leads to better results. All those resolutions all at once just looks impossible and scary and just makes me want to give up right away. Unless I come up with some wacky ones like, "I resolve to eat a bologna sandwich in April!"