Hola de Madrid! After my Tuesday entry, we went to go pick up our car, only to realize that they had no automatic transmission cars, and the only person who can drive a stick remotely at all is Erin, who is only 20. This massively killed that plan. We went to the train station, going back to Plan A, only to find that all trains to Seville were completely booked through Tuesday. And there were no empty seats on a train to Madrid that night. After several hellish hours in the train station, we managed to get the bus station on the phone to confirm that we could get to Madrid by overnight bus. We hauled ass over to the bus station, got tickets, got dinner, then crashed on the bus.

When we got to Madrid, we found our hotel, where they let us crash in the little lobby for a while. We got breakfast and wandered around the Plaza Mayor for a while, mostly shopping and eating. I wish we had giant awesome plazas in Boston. Then it was naptime, and after that, Jenn and Nate and I went to Plaza del Sol (Courtenay was sick so she slept, and Erin just slept :-) ), and then to a Cuban restaurant for dinner. It was the cheapest thing ever, and yet I still got to eat lamb and rice pudding! We got a nightcap at the cafe across the street, then slept for a million hours.

Yesterday we tried to go to El Prado, but it was closing at 2 for the holiday. So we went to the modern art museum, which was fabulous. Guernica is a truly huge painting. I was mildly disappointed at the Dalis, but there were still some cool ones. There were some great paintings, especially Naked Lady Crashes A Picnic (not the real name), but they didn´t have postcards of them which made me sad. After the museum, we went to the train station to try to get tickets for today for Toledo, only to go to the wrong ticket counter and wait a long time (I´m still not sure how to discern the difference between the counters), and then we went to the right one only ot find out that we could only buy tickets day of the trip. Rar! I hate RENFE with a passion. So we went to Plaza del Sol, saw this wicked awesome parade, and then I went to sleep because standing in the cold had exhausted me.

So I´m having lots of fun, which means that I don´t care if I don´t get emails. So I tell myself.

So, today we are planning on seeing the Picasso museum, some exhibit called Gaudi, and then we go pick up the car to go to Valencia, and then to Granada. I think tomorrow we will see the Alhambra, which I´m so glad we´re going to get to see thanks to the car. Blessed car! I´m trying to figure out if I will be able to check my email the rest of the week. :-) I am so addicted. Not that I have gotten anything worth reading in my absence. :-(

Greetings from Barcelona! I am on a jenky computer in the hostel, but it appears to work okay, even though one of the other computers has a virus, so I am afraid of my account being compromised on this one, but oh well! The trip has been awesome so far... Heidelberg was fabulous, if not cold and tired. Barcelona was lovely today, and tomorrow we are getting a car and driving down the coast. We realized that for five people, a car was cheaper than trains and allowed us to go more places, which rules! So we are very excited.

But... missing just one thing.

Still packing has not happened. I hate packing. At least we have an afternoon flight.

I should really go to bed and pack tomorrow.

Reluctant. One entry found for reluctant.

So, of course I had the worst time getting to sleep last night... I guess it wasn't the worst time, just that it was real late already and I didn't fall asleep right away. Thinking too much about speaking Spanish and being nervous about that and wondering why I didn't think to buy a little dictionary in the hour and a half I was at Wordsworth. And all the general pre-traval ACK. But it should be a very fun trip.

Estoy tan cansada. Me voy a morir. I gave in and bought a phrase book and pocket dictionary. But I don't think either of these will answer all my questions about the subjunctive tense.

After four Advil and two hours in dark rooms, my headache has gone away. I even managed to work on my paper a little more. Tomorrow I just have to whip out the rest.

So, if you're someone who has lived in a place for a bajillion years, and yet you constantly bitch about what a backwater town that place is, and it seems like you have plenty of opportunity for mobility, doesn't that make you big fat loser for staying in that place? Yeah, Richard Stevens, I'm looking at you.

I finally had to suck it up today and download the latest version of SecureCRT. But I loved my older version and the way it dealt with URLs. But then it started freezing when trying to open URLs, so I had to get the new, suckier version. :-(

So, after dinner, Jenn went with me backpack shopping. We wandered all over the place, City Sports, the COOP, and Urban. Jenn left to go get movies for tonight. I went to the Gap and then over to Wordsworth to see if Matt was there, but I was vastly lost as to time and I was actually there during his break (which I didn't figure out until just now... why did I think it was before 7 when I know we were at dinner until almost 7... logic escapes my brain some days). Anyway, I was heading back dejectedly to Lowell, having not found a backpack of decent size or cost, thinking how I might be forced to use my admittedly large but sometimes-prone-to-opening-randomly backpack. But then I notice Staples and decide, what the hey. And sure enough! I find this very large rolling backpack combo for $20! It's the best thing ever. But now I suppose I have to pack.

That really isn't the most interesting story. But damn, I love great deals.

You... ah, damn. I'm already like gah and I'm still here.

I had this moment walking around tonight, I thought, what if, what if never? I realized how much I function with the underlying assumption of 'someday'. Someday fuckin' a I must be crazy, I must be nuts to build my life that way, I must be short my marbles to make my brain into that kinda thing. But I barely remember living any other way it's been so long. But I've been flying for months, truly, soaring on this new phase of perfection, and yet there is still the tiniest voice taunting, it will all crash down someday pretty thang, your illusions will crash down and it will only be the worse for having passed through real honest happiness. I'm so happy to be happy, but sometimes security beckons, real fucking solid security. But is that what is behind the Never moment, or is it some kind of obsession with Outcome, with the end result, instead of focusing on the Journey, the now, the path that really is the result, every moment?

Jenn woke up. We ate ice cream. I was much happier.

Rar, busy today and tomorrow. But now for tea.

So, I typed up all the quotations I want to use in my paper. Now I just have to write the thing... how long can I procrastinate?

Worse than people's disgusting views is their heinous inability to reason and put forth a decent argument. But maybe the latter problem is the cause of the former problem.

I hate it when my brain hurts because I've gotten so enraged arguing with stupid people who aren't even worth my time. But I hate to see lies spread and I want to eradicate them so much that I am compelled to argue.

Argh, very upsetting... my head hurts so bad it's almost giving me nausea. My left eye is going to burst out of my skull... there go all the plans I made for tonight. Sorry Nate and crew out with Nate... I really wanted to go, but I can't see myself walking to and from Cambridge Common, which is ever so far away.

I'm tired of being incapacitated.

I'm bored. There's no one to play with.

Ha, I just remembered I still have a paper to write before I leave... maybe tomorrow.

Sam, thank you for being in my fridge. I had forgotten you were there.

Hmmm, still bored. I recall when I was at T's Convenience yesterday that there is new Ben and Jerry's ice cream with a fudge truffle center. I desire this ice cream, but a) it's yuck outside; and b) I feel like a piggy eating ice cream all myself and wish there was a nice person to share it with. Maybe Jenn will wake up soon or something.

Internet, why you so boring?

I just wasted like an hour trying to get my stupid sketchbook for class... and now I feel like crap after I had felt a little better, and I'm feeling totally depressed on top of it all.

I bring you The Stupid Files. If you're a big conservative, patriotic, Christian kind of person, I wouldn't suggest ever reading this new page.

Man, I take back what I said about the internet being boring... seems to be mostly gross and disturbing today!

That five page paper due in three hours... haven't even started. It doesn't help that I feel like crap, and that I have a headache that is barely concealed by the Advil I've been scarfing down, and that I know that if I show up to class and squeak, my professor will accept it somewhat later (hell, I can probably email it tonight no problem). Who knows, I may actually finish it on time.

My brain is insanely useless today. My headache seems to be tempered, but I just wrote some stuff that, while the ideas are a-ok, the syntax and structure are wack. Sort of like the previous sentence. Bleh! I can't put words in a coherent order. Maybe yesterday when we were landing and my right sinus did something funny that sent weird sensations shooting up my face, it was really taking out part of my brain.

P. Buck rules. He was totally understanding about my inability to write a paper, and told me just to turn it in by the end of the week. Sweet!

My voice seems to be getting better... I managed to squawk through class all right, and now I can sing (although I am failing the falsetto test), so things are improving.

It's snowing! While I find this pretty since I plan to stay inside the rest of the day, it does bring the contrast with lovely NC home in a harsh way.

So, it looks like I'm going to sublet in the LisaHouse this summer. It's a good deal, and since I don't have a job yet, it's tough to know where it will be best for me to live for the long term. That and the lack of roommate long term... nice to give myself more time. And other people I know might live there, which will rule!

So, at dinner today we got on the subject of taking a bus as transport, as Jenn had an appointment today with some weirdo who wanted to take a bus instead of a plane to DC so he could see the countryside. Nate made some comment about getting stuck in the middle seat and not being able to see anything. It took me a moment before I realized that there's no middle seat on a bus; after following my subsequent suspicion by querying Nate, it was revealed that HE HAS NEVER RIDDEN A BUS. As in, he has never taken a non-chartered, non-city bus to get anywhere: always car, train, or plane. I told him that instead of going to Europe this summer, he should just stay in this country and have normal experiences, like riding a fucking bus.

I wish I knew what you are really thinking, what you are really saying, what you really mean.

Back from the trip, and awake from my sleep. The trip was awesome! The weather in NC was fabulously warm... why did I pick a school in Boston? Friday night we went to Waffle House, where we were served by the most sarcastic waiter ever! He ruled. Then I went to my FABULOUS SINGLE ROOM, which had a queen-sized bed, and a couch. Ah, luxury. Saturday I was in charge of the "aimless" van. We cruised Duke and downtown Durham until we found a sports bar for lunch. Then we did a little shopping and then cruised through the Duke Forest. As soon as we tried to have aim, we failed: we planned to go horseback riding, but couldn't find the place! So we went back for the game. The game started out great, as we were keeping it real close. There were actually quite a number of Harvard fans there, and we were pretty loud. But, they were just way more athletic, and they outrebounded us enormously... and then their shots started to drop, and so it was all over.

After the game we went to Wendy's drive through, and then I camped out on the porch for the rest of the evening with Chris and Talya, talking for hours. It was so nice outside, but I probably should have gotten a sweatshirt earlier... between my cold and yelling at the game and talking outside in a mild chill, my throat decided to rebel. I was squeaking by the end of the night. Call time for the airport was 4am, so we didn't bother sleeping. I expended my last energy driving the kids to the airport and the vans back to Budget, and then I popped in a NyQuil and spent most of fliying/waiting in airports half asleep. I went to bed at home around 11, and got up just now at 8pm.

And I'm starving! I have a craving for General Gau's chicken. But I haven't had the energy to go anywhere yet.

Shit dawg, there was a commercial for some allergy medicine that had the overture from Tommy in the background. Fucked up!

I don't buy it. Pero una fe sin duda es una fe muerta.

I wonder if I'll ever stop.

Wow! The Creighton-Florida game ruled! Creighton won in double OT to be the third 12 seed to advance! And the fourth 5-12 game hasn't been played yet!

Gah! My teeth and gums itch! It's some function of this sinus crap... happened to me last night--I woke up at 4:30 am and I thought my mouth was going to escape my face! This is weird, because the night meds have antihistamines... which should reduce such itching, no? I had only taken them a few hours prior to that. Yee, this drives me nuts.

Good lord, that was the best series of hubba emails ever! Almost peed myself!

Damn! I can't believe I had work through the Wyoming-Gonzaga game. Shit dawg! I ditched class today and went to Charlie's for three hours with Matt (Jenn was there for the first hour). There was some phat action, with Kent State wrecking Matt's bracket (he had them in his final four! Ass!), and I know the rest of today destroyed it more. Almost as many upsets as not today so far! I LOVE MARCH!

Man, Albuquerque has been wack today... this AZ/Santa Barbara game is wicked close.

Oh, our phone works again, in case you love us.

I'd also like to note the amazing reception we're getting of CBS. It's the same shitty antenna that used to be in the Band Room, and the best I could ever get with it there was fuzz. I could usually point out the basketball on the screen. But up four floors, it works pretty well with some tinkering. R0x0r!

I'm so naughty. I'm ditching my core class and section tomorrow for the MADNESS. My TF said we could miss two sections, so I may as well take advantage. I am a senior, after all.

Heh. The Onion StatShit this week is "What Will We Eventually Get Around To Bringing In From The Car." Number one is "Bag of cat litter," which is the one thing Matt has had in his car, like, forever. His mom gave it to him for traction in all that snow we got this year.

Bleh, I don't wanna do any work. I wanna play! Someone play with me.

Now I know why Kevin really reads the house listservs: to harvest quotes for his plan page. I linked this during the summer for my quote about C. Conlon having my babies, but I appear twice more after that, commenting on defragmenting and showering, and on dumb thesis writers who save their theses to floppies. My boss thinks I'm amusing!

Speaking of thesis writers, no offence to any of you writing theses out there, but dude, the general attitude of most thesis writers currently is that they are the center of the world, and if everyone can't move night and day to accomodate their every piddly need, it's the biggest travesty ever known to mankind. Hey guess what? You're getting two semesters worth of class credit for the fucking thing. You're getting real actual honors, probably higher than vanilla cum laude. Some of you substitued your work on it for a *job* this summer and got reimbursed with actual money. If writing a thesis is so goddamned awful, why weren't you fucking smart like those of us who aren't writing one? This does not really apply to most of my friends, who are actually on top of things and not freaking out right now, but to lots of other irritating folks out there.

My phone is currently dead, in case anyone wanted to call. We've been delinquent.

Sweet coffee.... I finally don't have to get up very early tomorrow... early enough to get to Charlie's by noon for basketball madness! I love March! Although I'm still too pained from last year to fill out any brackets.

Woke up with throat of death. Tylenol Cold, non-drowsy, plus throat lozenge. Stomachache! I should know not to take T Cold on an empty stomach. But now I have a happy buzz buzz from the meds. I hope this gets me through my midterm.

Midterm was pretty easy. And I managed to finish all the rest of my homework for my evening seminar. Yay! I am tired. But we're going up to Temple Bar soon for Senior Bar. Woot! Can't party too hard because I have an 11 am shift tomorrow, taken for the express purpose of draggin my ass out of bed before noon. What a dumb idea!

In funny news, Matt took a job at the MIT Coop. That's not what's funny; what's funny is that he has to wear a dress shirt and tie! Hee! I am going to have to buy a T pass with the number of times I'll want to go over there and taunt him. His current coworkers have threatened to visit him and try to steal his tie. Muahaha.

So, for this trip all the rooms are 2-person rooms.... hmmmm... the rooming possibilities....

KICK ASS! I get to go on the basketball trip to North Carolina! They're letting people come back on Sunday if they have to! Yay!!!

Why do people insist on using fucking Outlook Express? It's the worst program ever!

Damn, my throat hurts. Fucking dry cold outside. And I have a buttload of work to do tonight. And I am so sleepy! Bleh. I can't wait until tomorrow is over. I will need to start work again for next week since I'm going on the trip and I have a paper due Monday, but at least it's not stuff I have to do RIGHT NOW.

I sometimes forget to appreciate what I have.

If you aren't supported, and I tell you I can't help you, I CAN'T HELP YOU. I swear, the phone is quiet, but 100% assholes tonight.

So, I have these throat lozenges (Fisherman's Friend... taste better than they look... well, taste like menthol, but anyway), and the directions have "children under 5 years: ask a doctor." I just get this image of a little kid reading the side of the box intently, then picking up the phone to call the doctor.

The hockey game went into double overtime! But we won! So no game tomorrow, which is great. I hadn't really wanted to go, but I mostly had fun. Although there were a few irritating people, though not the ones I'd anticipated really.

So many sexy boys... too bad I'm *old*.

Thank you, Mr. Pointless.

I just have to remember where your priorities really are to renew the cynicism I require for survival.

Bleh too much today. I have to read two books and more. I took some desk shifts that opened up for this afternoon so I will read. I should go over there soon. I was supposed to go to Poo's after to watch the Selection Show, but his parents are driving his seeester up from spring break and are taking him to dinner. Lucky dinner-eating bastard. This is actually okay because I need to do work like a good girl. Fucking work. The beginning of this week is royal hell.

Dammit, North Carolina was the one place I hoped Harvard wouldn't be going, because I want to go! Why couldn't it be fucking Texas Tech or some other school in a god awful place?

How much does the Mountain West Conference suck? While it did get three teams into the tournament, Wyoming got the best seed at 11. Penn got an 11 seed also. Dood.

Am I just being a pansy, or am I being patient, when I hold back my annoyance at someone who maybe needs a kick in the pants, but who would take it too personally.

Some people just don't understand where to be cryptic, and where to show some fucking restraint.

I had fun out with Lisa and the law school crew at Chuck's. Although I hardly ever am downstairs, so that was wacky. It sounds like there is a lot of interest in subletters for their house for the summer, so maybe I should jump on it. Lots of leases start in September, so subletting for summer would be cool; I would have to move twice, though. Bleh.

"Whatever you intended to choose suddenly became irrelevant that day, as my hands and the hands of fate pushed you to where you are now. Although I suppose your initial intents evinced themselves in your finals actions."

"...that damage was done ever so long ago and my state since can only be described as having fallen but having learned to deal quite well with being down."

Wow! It's fucking beautiful outside! If the dude at my UA appointment has a laptop, I might just have to force him to let me take it outside.

Back from the Kong... Happy Birthday Courtney! Tons of people were there, which was great. Clark is a funny kid... he wants to be one of my "training" subjects for my employees at the HJT.

Wow. Just wow. Davie, I take back what I said about you and the apocalypse.

Rar.

Hello, sick feeling in my stomach. You're not a stomach bug, you're all that I tried to leave behind.

Give you all you deserve.

Fucking Monday seminar. I should have gone this week, because now it looks like I won't be able to go to the tournament games because of the slim possibility of winning and staying longer. And why do the women's games last from Friday to Monday? That's totally dumb! Rar! I was so excited to go. :-(

Today is just a barrel of suck. Nothing is interesting on the internet, and I'm cranky.

Yay Matt has a job!

Gather round kiddies! Go to Fucking M&Ms and write in TAN for the "new" color. I never particularly liked tan, as it was the color of baby poo. BUT, the abominations that are purple, pink and aqua leave me thinking M&Ms has decided to replicate the political process in its poor offerings of choices. They are non-choices! They all suck! Write in TAN!

"She also expressed impatience, however... while she had been of the camp that said he should be cautious in proceeding with the relationship, that his hesitance was verging on ridiculousness." Ha! Who'd have guessed a few weeks could make impatience, especially after a few years of waiting have passed?

"He said that I was a secret wisher, the type of person who would sit around hungry but take no intiative until someone else suggested food, at which point I'd be the first to show support and enthusiasm for the idea. Gwen noted that while on mundane subjects I might be more inclined to express my desires, that on bigger issues (especially one in particular), this was a particularly apt description of me. I'm afraid it is altogether accurate. I've just never heard it put in such a lucid form. Now it haunts me a bit, and I wonder if maybe I should stop secretly wishing on some accounts, if perhaps I shouldn't express my wishes more explicitly." Okay, enough of that. Away for now before I get to any bad parts. Plus, there's going out!

Tonight was fun, hanging out with C. Lorraine and bitching about psycho-conservatives and psycho-liberals, and the Crimson, and house lists. Then off to Senior Bar with Jenn, Kris, and Nate. So weird to have Kris in our class, but cool! I drank a bit of beer, then realized what a mistake I'd made in ordering it. My stomach didn't toally revolt, but it was all like, "dude, what are you thinking?" Then I came home and posted way too much to Lowell-open about the opera, instead of working on my sketchbook. So, I get to work on that more tomorrow before I have to turn it in at 2. Yee. Evil.

I now have the 20th-hour sickness, in which I am exhausted, but a bundle of nerves that won't go to bed. *twitch*

The internet is boring me this evening.

I had intended to do several optional things this evening, but I think I'm going to be a slacker and skip out of all of them except for Courtney's birthday. I am really tired. I've been sleeping oddly, in that I will go to bed, wake up after 6 hours, and sort of sleep on and off for the next hour or two. This is less than pleasant.

I keep thinking about things you probably don't even remember saying.

And why, after all this time, these sudden pangs of guilt?

Que dia! So, I got up ass early this morning so I could go to Lexington for this interview at the montessori school. The school is on Pleasant St. in Lexington, and the MBTA website told me which bus to take. So I took it, and when we got to Pleasant St., I got off the bus. Pleasant St. crossed Route 2, just as the system map had shown. And yet, I was surprisingly far address-wise from where I should have been. No matter. I tromped towards the right address in my less-than-comfortable shoes. Only to find I did not end up in Lexington, but was still in Belmont. Suck. I tromped further to Mass Ave, which I discovered was in Arlington. I took the bus back to Harvard, inspected the system map. Who knew that there are two Pleasant Sts., both of which are on this bus route, both of which cross route 2 only miles apart, but one is on Belmont and one is in Lexington! Massachusetts towns, I fucking hate you. So, I had the right bus, I just needed to stay on it longer. Fuckin' a. So, I was thinking of just not rescheduling, but the secretary wrote back to my apologetic email saying the Head of School has offered to pick me up at Alewife for whenever I reschedule. So I guess they really want me to interview.

Upon my return from my 3-hours adventure, I ate lunch and then went out into Boston to do sketchbook crap for class. It was sprinkling when I got to Gov Center, and as I observed in my sketchbook, there is no protection there from the hurricane force winds that were blowing. I then went to Post Office Square, which is quite nice, and I think I would like to see it when its many fountains are on. It got nicer while I was there. I took the sketchy Orange Line to Back Bay, and while I was drawing stuff there, it became positively balmy. Sun broke out, and warmed everything right up. This was nice, and I was ahead of schedule, so I strolled through the common to the T.

Then I had a UA appointment with a girl a year older than me (took a year off) from Santa Fe! She's writing her thesis in Religion on Native American religious rituals, and gambling! But you'd think after four years I'd have learned: what is shorter than doing the format and reinstall? Nothing! I tinkered with the damn machine for over an hour, and now I'm just going to have to go back tomorrow and do the stupid format/reinstall. Grr.

Now I am tired. And I should be doing homework. But I will probably hang out with Courtenay and then go to Senior Bar tonight. But I'll get my work done.

Jenn is going to start the convent of Party Nuns.

I've been trying to ignore it. I'm having a small crisis of emotion, and of reflected identity. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but I just can't find a conclusion.

Hello stress and insomnia. Thanks for keeping me company this fine evening. Oh, I just look exhausted, don't mind me.

There's a new onion from NMSU called the NuMex Crimson. I feel like I should alert dining services to new school spirit foods from my homeland.

Am I going to hate myself tomorrow for signing myself up for a jillion desk shifts? I figure it's the only way to enforce work in my life, as otherwise school work just bloats to fit whatever void I leave it to fill.

Not that I don't have a ton of it to do this week. Especially since our sketchbooks are due for Cities. Shit. This means Wednesday I have to do the interview in Lexington, hopefully have time to bust my ass to Gov Center and PO Square for one of the assignments, back to Harvard for a UA appt, and then out to Back Bay for sketching another assignment in probably darkness. Or doing that one Thursday morning. At any rate, back to sleep-optional, I suppose.

Not to mention I still have to do that paper for tomorrow evening, but considering 2-page response papers have been taking me half an hour at worst, I figure three pages may do me in for an hour tomorrow. Maybe 2 if I work hard at it. The assignment is so vague, I can't imagine doing poorly on it.

I think I have managed to settle all the things I need to do sufficiently to go to bed. I hate it when I get into stress panics like this. I know I've had to do so much more in so much less time, I just need to buckle down and deal. It just feels like time has been flying by this past month. And it has been. But I have to remember what kind of time it's been... fairly stressless in comparison to last spring. I've been sleeping plenty. I even managed to clean my room. It's just that I need to put more structure on this baby if I want to fit everything in.

Ugh, I feel like poo again today. Should I go to lecture? Urgh, it's far away.

Fuckit. It's supposed to be cold outside, and I can hear the wind howling, and my stomach is disagreeing with my every move.

This bug *must* go away by tomorrow. I have way too much to do on Weds and Thurs to deal with this.

Waaa. I have too much work to do now! Why do I feel so crappy?

I went down to the lab to get a printout, which was traumatic enough in and of itself (god, now I need a nap), but when I returned I noted that there is a condom stuck to the door. Since I haven't been out of the house since Saturday, I have no idea how long that has been there. I didn't bother to take it inside with me.

There are many people on this campus who do not deserve to have a computer. It's funny, because there is this virus that is going to drop its payload tomorrow on all those idiots who use Outlook and who don't keep McAfee updated and who are generally stupid. And I don't feel sorry for them at all, and I'm not going to be that helpful to them.

I'm back to feeling much better. Hope that is true when I have to get up at 7 am tomorrow. I have also looked at my assignments due Thursday, and I realized that while they do still require me to haul my ass around Boston, that neither one is that *hard* or time-consuming. Once I have enough data, I can come back to my cozy nest and finish the whole thing. I love it when I panic for no real reason.

Of course, I probably feel much better given my complete lack of class so far this week. But this has been a good thing because I think I might finally be better.

So, I don't have any fever this morning, but I still feel a little shaky. And I seem to recall that Jenn would feel okay in the morning and worse over the course of the day (which sort of happened to me yesterday), so maybe I should sit tight and not claim recovery just yet.

Do I have to say it again? Noooooooooooooo!!! For the love of god.

There is a new person that I hate. No one most of you know.

The PSLM still hasn't realized that students think they're a bunch of assholes.

I've also discovered that most Crimson columnists are idiots.

So, I was trying to decide whether to go to class today or not. The motivation not to go is, of course, not feeling stellar and not wanting to make it any worse. But I realized talking to Jenn last night that we don't get back from Spain until Monday, and I would miss my seminar class. But then I remembered today that they changed the flight time... we are actually supposed to get back just after noon on that day, so technically, I could make it to my 2pm class either on time or slightly late. I'll be exhausted, but whatever. So maybe taking today off wouldn't be so bad. (That, and I can tell my temperature is going up the more the day progresses, so I should really stay home today).

Being less ill has its disadvantages, namely, the return of my overthinking brain. Trying to figure out what I should believe and what is real and what is just coming from the bottle. And wondering if it's worth trying to make that distinction.

I've managed to completely mangle this page today, putting my followups for today onto yesterday somehow... but I fixed it.

I really need to start on tomorrow's seminar work... like that 5-page paper. But I feel bleh. Bleh like low blood sugar... maybe I should try to put more food in me.

I'm hungry, but dinner sounds like death on a stick. Perhaps I should stay here and eat tomato soup. Although I really want chinese food.

Clearly that last statement means I'm feeling better. This is not leading to greater productivity, however. But I have a feeling that has nothing to do with being sick or not.

The other depressing thing lately is the plethora of announcements for stuff that starts next fall, like interviewing for counseling groups and comping Crimson Key. It's so depressing that none of these things are relevant to me anymore. I'm going to have to find adult extracurricular activities for next year.

Please take my crying out for entertainment as an invitation to totally ignore me.

Freud's an ass.

My young friend brings up the ever-popular subject of mental images; well, at least the subject has always been popular with me. I never know what people could possibly think of me, which means that I am, of course, insatiably curious about the subject. And insatiably dubious. Whereas I care very little how most people perceive me, when it comes to the people I care about, I wonder a lot. It doesn't help that I tend to attract people just like me, evasive and fearful of emotion and generally bottled up. And then I have to wonder, what about my friends, do they have no idea what I think of them? And how does that make them feel?

I will say that I feel I am remarkably consistent in how I feel about people across my chemical states. But I wonder how this holds for others.

Arg, I'm supposed to write a 5-page paper on the least useful topic ever. "Choose a psychoanalytic concept discussed in Freud's works which we have read to date; discuss and develop it in light of what you have learned form these readings." Um, what? I would say, maybe we're suppose to critique and evaluate the chosen concept, but no, those exact words are used to start the second paper topic, so the first paper topic must be something slightly different. I think I'm making this question harder than it is. But it's worded stupidly.

I will also note that there is over a page enlightening us on the nature of the 5-minute oral reports we are to give on our assigned dates (which are not terribly different from any reports any seminar class has), and yet all we get for written assignments are these vague guidelines. Yeargh!

Then I notice that the paper assignment is actually 3-5 pages, which is a whole different ball game! I can bullshit on anything for 3 pages, even if the topic makes no sense!

Now I really want chocolate.

I wonder if coffee will kill me... I realize my need for caffeine if I want to keep working tonight. I feel much better, and I can't imagine that my beloved coffee would want to hurt me, and I even managed a half a piece of cheesecake a while ago which did not kill me. So surely a little coffee would not kill me. Sweet wonderful coffee, fruit of life. But maybe I should have more cranberry juice instead.

Jenn is the best roommate ever! She threw me a surprise party for my birthday! It was lots of fun.

It seems that now I mark my birthday by not drinking too much, but drinking bad combinations of things which make my digestive system rebel eventually. Yeargh!

But otherwise my birthday has been ruletastic!

Upon further review, I'm worried that I'm actually sick and not hung over. Well, maybe I was hung over earlier, but sick now. I have a fever for one thing... that's not really a hangover symptom, eh? Rar. So far, my stomach seems to be settling a little bit. I'm a retard!

Damn, how'd it get to be so late.

So, J came over and I made him drinks, and then there was Kong with Jenn, Dave, and drunken Jack and JTodd. Now he's crashed in the sex room with the Knight, who hopefully won't spear him. I should sleep so I can get up and get *something* done before my UA appointment and the gig.

Oh, so I finally got the Lileks book, The Gallery of Regrettable Food. It's fabulous! Except for one thing: the chapter titled "All the Smart People Eat Toast." Anyone who has witnessed the great Toast War between me and Matt can attest to the disaster of this chapter: it gives him academic citation on his side! (For those out of clue, Matt contends that toast is The Best Food, and I protest.) Apparently toast will get you men in tuxedos who want to have sex with you! Who can argue against this?

Nate and I are such crowd wimps... we went to Temple, even though senior bar was actually at Cambridge Common. But Temple wasn't crowded and we got a table and it was chill.

I am back way early. I should probably go to bed. I have a g&t, however. Bleh bleh.

"I reserve the right to covet my neighbor's ass." -Steven Jay Gould.

Mi pobre pobrecito.

I'm going to hang out with J tonight! He's in town for some sort of med school thing... now if only he would call.

I finally broke down and cleaned my room today. I actually put up posters even. Holy crap. Maybe I should also gather the garbage in the common room.

The blues often have the following themes: 1) "woke up this morning"--apparently a bigger event than I ever knew. 2) "went to the crossroads"... and I just read some thing about America and how our major meeting places seem to be street corners, which is kind of like crossroads. Oh yeah, and the devil.

Come and dance on our floor