Bleh. That's the theme of today.

So, still no internet at the house. Rather, there is internet, but only on one computer. I spent lots of Friday morning at work learning about the joy of routers, and then I went home to execute my plan. Except that the router did not agree and spent a lot of time seeming to malfunction. So, I guess I need to play with it more when I have time and when it's cooler up in Dante's room (it's an inferno up there. Heh. Heh).

I do like having a cell phone, however. Mainly because I can do things like start a conversation with my parents in the computer lab, continue as I go outside and get a candy bar from Loker, and then finish as I get to Widner library. Mobility!

Erg, I was supposed to get a million things done today. I did get articles copied for work, and my hair is now shorter thanks to a cute Algerian stylist, but nothing else has been accomplished! I suck!

Speaking of sucking, it took me nearly three weeks to realize that I can catch the M2 shuttle at Johnston Gate (where I get off of it coming back), instead of crossing the entire Yard to catch it at Quincy Gate. Yeah, duh.

Oh, the Euro-trash has landed.

So yesterday I went to Six Flags with Matt as part of the Brigham-sells-you-cheap-shit program. It ruled. We rode all the roller coasters, twice for Superman, and a double-round of bumper cars. It was super. Not too crowded, but wicked sticky humid.

Other than that, I have been doing not so much. Work has been going well, and I get to be hot shit whenever there is an issue requiring computer knowledge. Today I even managed to stick to the boring crap I had to do, with great success. I have to call hospitals to bug them to return their surveys, and bug other people to answer questions they missed in filling out the survey. And people are actually calling me back at a decent rate! Which is very cool.

So far this week at work has been about exhibiting my computing prowess. They put me on this project to fix up a scantron sheet in a program I had never used before. Woo!

This weekend I was major lame and went to bed at like midnight both nights.

I hate crusty people of all kinds, whether in the band, online forums, or whatever. Why do people have to continually remind everyone how OLD and CROTCHETY they are? It's not attractive, and it's not fun for anyone.

Sorry for the lack of updates. The people who lived at the house before us... well, we knew they were idiots, but then it turns out they had the cable turned off and the modem shlepped away without telling us. And we had no idea because the cable itself still works, as AT&T leaves it on to suck in new clientele who move in. So it will probably be another two weeks before I get email at home. Meanwhile, I have work, but I should really be doing work there. So, again, call my cell phone. Really.

Work is going really well. The only downside is having to wake up early, and having to deal with public transportation. The latter has pissed me off royally this week, but I'm making adjustments. Like keeping an emergency dollar bill on hand for the times I take the T instead of the M2, so I don't walk down Huntington Ave forever just to find a store that is open. The job itself is full of mostly time-consuming but not difficult tasks, which are varied enough to keep me awake. But the people are fun and laid-back, which makes everything great. Calling hospitals to bug them to return surveys would suck a lot more if there were ogres around me all the time. The RAs and med school kids ditched work early on Thursday to go to the Scooper Bowl at Gov Center... it was basically an ice cream fair. We pigged. It was fun.

Lots of kids are on this midwest road trip. This diminishes possibilities for my Saturday night. But I'm pretty tired anyway.

I just got an email, at work, from scary doctor man. He wanted to tell me that the research position had been filled, and since I hadn't been in touch with them after my interview, they assumed I was no longer interested. WITH A VENGEANCE, BUDDY.

Yesterday Matt and I went to the Sox game. The Sox lost and we both got really sunburned, and then there was a really long walk home as we got confused by various bridges. But it was fun and I procrastinated packing another day!

And I made tasty dinner!

Today I had orientation for my job. It was actually a general new employees orientation for all hospital workers. Which made it pretty damn boring because really most of it doesn't apply to me, since I won't really be in the main hospital. I realized today that I am actually at the Boston Lying-In Hospital. I'm going to tell everyone that from now on.

So, I still haven't figured out how to get my internet connection working at the house, so the best bet for reaching me at home will be to call me. My cell phone number is in my plan. If you want it, email me and I will send it to you eventually. :-) Feel free to call all you want after 8 pm and on Saturday and Sunday... if I don't want to talk, the phone will be off, so don't worry about interrupting anything like sleep.

Just said goodbye to my parents. On the way over to the Science Center to check my email, my Oldness finally sunk in.

I have to say, Lackow has the most amazing journal ever.

Storey is so right about Insomnia. It's nothing like the trailers! But it was pretty wacky. And it's made me really sleepy. :-)

So, it rained on my Commencement. This was quite sad. But on the whole, the day was ruletastic.

So, I think this Longwood business is a winner. I have been joking about meeting hotties from the med school or the next Dr. Carter, etc. But in all seriousness, I do want to, like, actually make some new friends in my post-Harvard life (ha, as if there really is a post-Harvard life!). Today while waiting for the shuttle this cool grad student started talking to me, and I talked to him all the way back to Harvard. This gives me hope that the world is not such a cold and socially isolating place.

Gah. A wealth of mental resolutions all in a flurry. I just want to get rid of that stinging sensation, that prickle. And even more complicated today.

Wow.

Today was the Baccalaureate service. It was pretty kewl. Larry was even funny.

Johnnie Walker Blue is amazing. I was content to even just sit and smell it. Lovely. Next time I'm in the Canada duty free shop, I think I might have to kill my wallet and procure a bottle.

Every once in a while, things converge, and I have to say: HAS THE WORLD GONE COMPLETELY FUCKING MAD?

Far and far. I break out Google. I wonder what he's doing next year. Would it be weird to email? I haven't seen him in ages. I find a few columns; interesting, but hardly the sort of thing I wish would be out there, some slice of that zaniness. I wish I knew.

I wish I knew. Maybe I'm really looking forward to the fall because it's about a wonderful third floor room with my own deck and maybe a garden and having to take a bus to get to anyone I know and having it be all about me me me because that's the way I like it, that is the way I have made things, and damn, it's good to create and control. It's not loneliness, it's solitude, deeply satisfying and enriching. And controlling. Every moment is my playground, and not something thrown to the wind. Play with me, be with me, love me--words in the wind, feelings given over to others to screw with. Forget those words can be said and there will be endless joy. Just remember the me me me, it's all about me, and as long as you never fail yourself, the world is yours.

You know what, George, you're right. You really cannot have your cake and eat it too. It doesn't work. It's not normal. It's a hybrid monster ready to suffer metabolic meltdown at any second. You have to choose. *This* might be good, but I bet it'd be great if you got rid of that. All of that. Everything that has to do with that. If you have that, you have dishonesty and jealousy and snarkiness and secrets and misunderstandings and despair and confusion, and that is really counterproductive to this. Focus on this. Make this work. You have to choose. It may seems sophisticated or deep to hold together contradictions and complications. But sometimes it's just stupid and reveals the inability or immaturity in choosing. Choosing is mature. Choosing is good. CHOOSE.

Rar rainy weather. Rar not fucking sleeping all night BECAUSE OF BASIC ANXIETY.

The rain went away very early, which was great. Getting the van at u-Haul took fucking forever because there was only one person working, but at least she was clueful. When I returned the van in the afternoon, there were more people working, but she was still the only clueful one. When I finally got back, Matt and my parents had already arrived. Matt and I went to Gwen's and picked up desk and bookshelves. Then back to Cambridge for the real moving. We got everything in one vanload, and it was pretty quick with all of us loading and unloading. And it turns out the house has cable all ready (although I can't figure out how to get the network connection to work, but I haven't poked at it much), so there was ESPN while the plumber was there taking video of the shitter. Well, really the laundry pipes, but whatever. There are apparently mad roots invading the sepitc, threatening to back up the works at any moment. Woo. Then we had lunch.

After that, I took my parents to the place where they are staying, which was supposed to be a bead and breakfast, but which seems more to be someone's house, like, in their room. Weirdness abounds. I kind of ditched them all to take the van back (which also took fucking forever), and then to go back to the apartment for a bit of unpacking. I needed to unpack my clothes so I could find them all. After all that, dinner at the Bombay Club. And I totally ditched the Booze Cruise. I kinda feel bad about spending money to not go, and ditching Jenn and co., but I was dead tired and didn't really feel like rushing to get ready and to get down there.

Now I am tired. Shower time.

The room has not reached the eerie point yet. There are still things hanging on the hooks on my door. I can still sit in my chair. My nightstand still has a lamp on it. There's still clothes hanging in the closet. There's no longer a rug, which is getting to weird, but not quite there yet. After Sunday, though, this place will be wicked weird.

I'm dumb! I should have taken photos before I started packing.

I'm dumb. Who wants fucking photos of their college dorm room.

Worry, worry, sadness.

Nate did a college retrospective. I feel like mine can be summed up as, I had a little hole dug in my brain, and now it won't see things the right way.

I'm thinking about Courtenay's story about Louie ranking the hard lemonades. "Mike's--number 4!" We are all similarly enumerated.

The good familiar knot in my stomach. It's not anger, because there's nothing to be angry about. It's not hatred because there's no one to hate. It howls out in the street, it stares out the window. It wishes there were a God so there would be someone to rail for everything that hurts, because that would somehow be more satisfying than knowing that you can't be pissed at the universe for existing in a certain way. The knot would be easier to deal with if there were an injustice, a stupidity, an injury; it's much harder to accept that the world is hunky dory and yet that knot still sits there. Then I have to say, well, there must be something wrong with me, not with the world.