Today all I have done is look at the homestar runner web page. Actually, that's pretty much what I have been doing all break.

So, some people were going around pimping this "Buy Nothing Day" for yesterday. And it turns out I didn't buy anything (except milk and ice cream), but only out of laziness and coldness. And same for today... no, today was just laziness.

Okay, so I'm about a half hour into Rat Race and all I can say is FLY TO EL PASO, YOU IDIOTS!

Oh God, the key guy is the creep from 24! Eeeeeeee!

Finished 24 last night over at Matt's, and then he had the first three episodes of Season 2 on tape. 7 episodes total! But that show is just so fast-paced that it seemed like no time at all.

But I woke up to see inches of snow already on the ground and to feel terrible pain in my throat, so I called Holly and convinced her I didn't need to come in. Maybe I'll go in this weekend and get some stuff done, but I kind of doubt it.

Man, I am so zonked today. I stayed up way too late watching 24 again, and then my throat hurt like hell, so I took some cold meds before bed. Those kocked me out pretty well, and then I woke up an hour later than normal, somehow having disabled the alarm clock. I must have turned it off when I woke up at 6 something, because I have vague memories of waking up then... but I certainly was never awake enough that I should have convinced myself to turn off my alarm. At any rate, I got here at my normal late time, but I have felt really sleepy all morning. Like wading through jell-o.

I hung out with Justin yesterday in Davis Square, which was fun. I loved having someone to hang out with in Davis! I can never get anyone to go up there, but it's very fun. And it's always nice to see J.

I did not get enough sleep last night. I watched 24 until too late, and then dreamed about it all night. But nothing with exciting plot elements, just nitty gritty nonsensical intelligence banter. Bleh.

Friends that tell you what's up are much more fun and happy.

If the overwhelming message I'm taking home from this weekend is, "Thursday: got taken advantage of; Friday: got ditched; Saturday: got snarled at," then maybe my real problem is a messed up focus. My weekend was great. I saw all sorts of people I like a lot and haven't seen in forever, I hung out with people who are around but who I always love seeing, Harvard kicked yale's fugly ass, the party was awesome, and on and on like that. I have got to stop letting him drag me down.

yale weekend was quite something. Tons of people were in town that I have not seen in forever, and it was just fun all the way through. And the party tonight was just fabulous and fun and solid and I love Bandies.

But with friends like you, who needs friends!

So, yesterday she came in at the end of the day to tell me the continuing review stuff isn't really due until January. Hey, how bout getting a clue before sending me into a flurry of work that doesn't need to be done right now.

The other really irksome thing she does is that sometimes she'll come in to tell me something, and she'll like push down on my shoulders. I'm like, ew, personal space violation! Rar!

Man, I never return calls.

I had 6 phone interviews today, and all of them were really pleasant, even the ones that went real long.!

Wow! I got a bonus! I had no idea I would get a bonus!

I did a very naughty thing last night... I ordered groceries from Peapod. But they will be here tonight and I don't have to carry them! Also, there was a $15 discount for first-time use, so it ended up being very cheap. If anyone intends to use them in the future for the first time, let me know, and I will refer you to get credit for myself. :-)

Now I have made a schedule in which I go shopping every Tuesday night or I wil die. This way I can avoid the need for online grocery shopping. :-)

So, my supervisor mentioned that we had to compile these stats for our continuing review, but she seemed to be very chill about it yesterday. today she's running around like a crazy woman and saying I have to get the coding done by the end of the week (just after I made a completely different and more functional plan from now until Thanksgiving). This is retarded. Furthermore, she keeps making a big deal about how helpful she's been to me when she really only coded one day this week, and only about one tenth of the surveys that have come in at that. Uh, yeah, thanks a lot.

Man, you know who I just thought of. A. Boone! If anyone knows what the hell she's up to, let me know. I was listening to REM and thinking of Las Cruces and talking to her about REM and Hitchcock movies and Angry Johnny by Poe which she had me listen to. Additionally, I had the funny thought that she and CLK are, like, so alike that I can't believe it never occurred to me before.

Okay, I am retarded. I forget that like Courtenay, Alice is still in school. She is editor-in-chief of the Columbia Spectator and is by far their best writer. :-)

Okay, I am *extra* retarded. I *read* one of her articles during the whole Columbia Band debacle and never noticed the byline.

It's tough to say anything to someone who is just angry and unconsolable.

During the week, I hate the week. During the weekend, I hate the weekend.

And I hate the rain and the cold. It makes me feel trapped up here on the hill, trapped in my room. I have nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to see. And no motivation.

I had a burst of productivity, cleaned up some of the clothes that were laying all around, did some budgeting in Quicken for the coming year (I probably won't go broke!), wrote some long overdue letters, and worked on that Hello Kitty mat I started over the summer. And now it's bedtime!

Every year some asshole has to go and show why they were too immature or moronic to make SS in the first place.

Man, I need a partner in craziness. A great plan would be to take the cheap bus down to NYC this evening, party on down there all night, and then take the bus to Philly in the morning and party on there for the game... though it occurs to me now I might have been able to make this plan work given the people I know who are *living* in NYC now. I'm jsut retraded and kept thinking, no, no Penn for me until this week. Now I have regret! My alternative less-crazy-but-still-crazy plan is to take the midnight bus down to Philly (rar, still more than I'd like to pay for a stupid bus ride), sleep on the bus, and get there in the morning with plenty of time to get to Penn and to the kiddies. We'll see if I wear myself out with work and the gym and going home before it's that late, however.

Holly has solved my problem with a weather report: rain, rain, and more rain tomorrow. I hadn't looked since early in the week when the rain wasn't supposed to come until Sunday! Well, I'm glad she told me! I never would have looked and I'd have been mighty miserable tomorrow.

All signs are pointing to Penn for this weekend! But how would I pull this off. I can't get off work early because I have to call old people, so I can't take the Raunch Bus down there. All the Greyhounds cost too much and leave at completely retarded times. The train is even more expensive. I don't know anyone who would probably be up for a road trip, but even if there were, then I couldn't ride the Raunch Bus back (though I guess that is a less pressing issue). I really wish I had just planned ahead on this one.

Grrrrrrrrr. I knew I should have hidden the surveys that came in yesterday because I knew she would take them, not put them in order, and not enter them into the computer right away like I planned to do when I came in this morning. Now she's coding them, will probably screw up and get confused since she didn't put them in order, will probably confuse herself so much as to not enter them into the computer, and RAR. I know she's trying to be helpful, but now I'm just annoyed and disoriented because she removed what I was supposed to be working on, and I just want to go home already and I've only been here ten minutes. Rrrrr.

I have chilled by stealing the pile and putting them in order. Ah, order. Yes, I am completely obsessive-compulsive about some things.

Why is there no one to give me sweet lovin'?

It's like Christmas Eve... you don't want to go to bed because the presents are coming, but Santa will always outlast you and manage to stay up later than you ever can to deliver while you are asleep. So, I should just go to bed, as I am so tired, but I have to make myself.

Arg! Okay, the obvious ones were obvious, where is the non-obvious one that makes the pieces fall into place?

Picture complete. One of my three! I am the bestest prognosticator.

Haha, funny to be speaking of Santa up there... I forgot, the Christmas Party is not far off!

There was this woman on the 88 bus today who had a face uncannily like that of Juliana Margulies, but who also had a disproportionally enormous ass. Like, her entire body above the waist was normal, but then her ass was huge, and she was wearing pants that looked like they were made of old upholstery. So, I would look at her face and be like, damn, she looks amazingly like Juliana Margulies, and then I would look down and be like, DUDE, what a huge ass! An amazing person all around.

There was also this very beautiful girl with a very pointed nose. Boys probably would like to kiss her, except they are scared of getting poked by her nose.

The past few weeks someone has been on IM who I haven't talked to in years and years... I guess four years to be precise, as it was the Penn game my freshman year when I last saw him, briefly. That particular incident actually had made me very sad because I had missed him so and had barely got to see him... and now there are other things all tied up to the memory of that particular return Raunch Bus after that.... At any rate, I really wish I could IM him and find out what he's up to now, post-graduation (I assume he graduated... but my Harvard life has taught me to question these things), but I'm too much of a weenie to IM him. I don't know why I should hesitate. Maybe the four years without communication is the reason. But it's not like any of us have emailed or talked to each other much, not like the group stayed really tight or something. But, I dunno...

I am feeling totally burnt out today. Like, I don't want to do any work. Like, I have had coffee and I'm still running slow. I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. Last couple of nights, in fact. Not thinking or anything that conscious, just only being able to get to a semi-asleep state for a long time before really falling asleep. Bleargh, suckage. I am seriously pondering telling Holly that I feel ill and have to go home. I really just want to take a nap and go to the gym and go hang out with people. Today is distracting enough without feeling zonked on top of it all.

Damn. I had convinced myself that I really don't want to go to Penn this weekend. But now ESPN is going to broadcast College Gameday from there, and I feel I must do my part to represent Harvard. But, I can't get off work early Friday anyway, so I don't know how I would get there and where I would stay (as I'm not big on the whole floor-sleeping concept.). Hrm.

I just spent half an hour jabbering with Holly. This is a good thing to do because it 1) uses up time I don't want to spend working; 2) makes me feel more amiable toward Holly; and 3) makes it somehow seem okay to be wasting time, even though it is more clear that I am wasting time.

I have stopped feeling bad and started thinking about all the fun I will have when I'm not being distracted by stupid shit. And I have learned my lesson: some people never change, so you just shouldn't act as if they have changed.

On the note of Some People DO Change, I have changed. Saturday when I started getting angry, I immediately stopped drinking anything except water for several hours. It wasn't even a conscious decision really, until I noticed I had done it by impulse and thought it was a good idea. It's nice when impulses change for the better.

Today is the perfect sort of not-sunny day. It's just warm enough not to need a jacket, but it's overcast and there is a blustery breeze and it sprinkles just enough to keep the ground damp and the air smelling good. It's the sort of day for melodrama, long melancholy walks, and torrid rendezvous.

Wild guessing is the greatest sport.

Wow, I spent like 2 hours watching 1 hour of a movie tonight. Do I have an attention span? Uh, no.

The problem with someone who does not hold back their anger ever is that when they don't seem angry at all, you know they probably got their way.

I had a lot of fun at various times during the party, especially when I was talking to cool people. I would have fun during the entire party if Our Favorite Smarmy Asshole hadn't shown up drunk and started preying upon freshmen, making everyone generally uncomfortable. I have zero tolerance for this. It's my Band more than his, and I refuse to feel uncomfortable at parties because of him.

I think there are only three real possibilities. But that's just pulling assuptions from everywhere. I love speculation.

Rar, now I feel bad. Why do I always feel bad, even when I'm right.

Now that I have eaten and calmed down, I'm not going to write all the nasty things I was thinking of writing here. Maybe later I'll be pissed enough again to do so. ;-)

Except one. You have an awfully funny sense of obligation. Emphasis on awful.

Heh, my roommate is such a disaster. I come in at 6pm, and she says, I was supposed to be out of here by 8am! She is supposed to go to Ithaca this weekend. I think she is flying, but wow. I gave her a hard time, saying, hey the weekend's already half over! And, you're ten hours behind! Heh.

I'm leaving pretty early today thanks to working an extra hour on Wednesday and never taking lunch. I thought about going over to rehearsal, but then I recalled it's not exactly the most populous race ever. Pluswhich I have felt increasingly like I have no opinion about Band, and even when I do, it's not all that welcome. Beh. Heather mentioned she was going to the hockey game tonight, which breifly made me reconsider. But then, I just want to go to the gym. I really don't want to do anything else right after work. I think I am becoming addicted to the gym. This is what I hoped for. Yesterday I even did the painful leg weight thingy and it didn't even kill me! And I'm not even sore today! Amazing. I don't even want to tailgate tomorrow... I just want to go to the gym. It's so nice to feel like I have something to do.

Today's extended workout made me feel so serene. Is this what they mean by runner's high? Afterwards I took the best half-hour nap ever.

Also, I finally got the first correct bill from Sprint ever. This made me realize, wow, my sister and I are paying less than $20 per month each for our phones. That totally rules.

I am feeling so lazy tonight. I haven't even been able to pop in a movie. But I don't feel that bored. I think I'm still pumping endorphins. I hope they last or I'll be in a world of hurt tomorrow.

After Tuesday's election and after seeing Bowling for Columbine last night, I am seriously considering long-term plans to move to Canada. Hell, if I can find a good grad school in Canada, maybe I'll move there earlier. Anyone who would like to move with me is welcome.

I totally meant to get lots of work done today, I really did. I had a phone interview first thing that went on forever. Then there was this girl interviewing for the other RA position, so Jennifer and I had to chat with her for a while. Then it was off to HSPH for a lecture by Jeff on the hip studies. Then I actually got some phone calls done, and then another phone interview... and then goofing off. Too much action online today with the election and all. Oh well. Tomorrow! Oh, except there's meetings all morning...

But for now, off to the gym!

I'd like to note that the fingering mentioned a while ago stopped about a week ago. What a coinkidink.

I'm feeling very positively today. There are a lot of things to feel good about. I am starting my exercise regimen and enjoying it. I am getting quite a bit of reading done just on the bus. I am watching lots of movies instead of staring at the walls. I am taking action to prevent situations that make me feel bad. And I hope soon I'll have more energy to do even more.

I was trying to resolve how I consider myself a very tolerant person and yet can be so intolerant of certain things at the same time. In this case, I think I am intolerant because it involves me. And I think that is okay.

I'm reading Herman Hesse's Demian right now. So far it's such a fucking great book. It's exactly what I need right now. Lots of themes on exertion of the will and the struggle between "light" and "dark" worlds.

Man, lots of webjournal sucking lately. Like, total lack of updating or completely giving up. Storey is the saving grace of my webjournal world.

I mean, really, you're so horribly predictable to me by now that I should just know better.

Bah. I feel bad to be so mean when he tried to be so nice later and get me home okay and all that. But... I mean all of it. I'm tired of the things that make me feel worthless. It's all very preventable, and I want it prevented.

But... I am sad. I'm sad because every day that door is closing. Or maybe it's just that every day I'm realizing with more clarity that that door was closed all along.

Life is easier for people who never really love anyone.

I ended up ditching out of work at a quarter to five. I headed home, changed, and went to the Y. Oh fabulous Y. There was no one else in the whole Women's Health Center, so I could use any machine I wanted and I didn't worry about looking like a trad while running around the place seeing where everything was and figuring out how the hell all the Nautilus weight machines work. I also discovered that tread mills can be kind of fun for fast walking, especially when the machine changes the incline. Crazy! So, tomorrow I will voyage back for more, bringing my bathing suit this time for whirlpool action.

The concert was also way more fun than I expected. After I got to chat with people from whom I m too far away at games and who don't come to parties, and then I talked for a while with M. Dewitz, who is just super cool.

On the way to the concert, I took off my gloves because I was too warm, putting the left on in my pocket and the right one in the plastic bag I was carrying. Except when I arrived at Sanders I realized I must have just dropped the glove on the ground, as I only had the one in my pocket. But then on the way home, I found the glove, right where I took it off! The silver lining of walking home instead of camping out for a bus.

Salem was fun, though cold and with not as much to do as I hoped. All the regular haunted witch junk was open, for the same ripoff prices as the rest of the year. I thought there would be haunted houses in stores and things, but no. And every establishment with a drop of liquor had a huge line outside of it. Which was fine since I got home late enough and am going into work late as it is. The House of Seven Gables was fun, and I totally had a huge crush on the guy who played Gervayse Pynchon because he was funny and had the lucky job of being a total bitch the whole day as his character. Hee.

Urgh, now I have to go to work. Two hours late!

Ah, productive procrastination of more productive tasks. I got my new 2003 calendar book today, which meant about an hour and a half of putting things in it in pretty colors. Muahaha.

So, the only real reason to come to work today was to do this one interview I had at noon, a guy who wasn't home. But, I figured I would just do some other stuff, and it looked like I had enough work to last me until 6 without making me strain my brain or patience. But the only thing that went off without a hitch today was this mailing I had to get done. I was supposed to re-scan all those stupid forms again, which would have taken a few hours, but then the program we use to compare scan 1 and scan 2 is still outputting junk. I also attempted to get journal articles from the library again, but the journal still wasn't on the shelf. Rar. RAR. What a waste of a day. I probably won't even get to go to the gym or anything. I have to go to that stupid concert tonight since I bought a ticket... well, and Jenn will be there, which is good, but rar. Stupid Dartmouth concert crap. RAR.