Weds night was dinner at Jeff's, and it was delicious. Free food, so great. There was shrimp cocktail for appetizer, which is fab with some wine, great dinner, and then little cute desserts. Woo.

Yesterday was the musculoskeletal retreat. Court met me on the bus, but I was squshed in the back and she got on the front, so I called her. This dud was really entertained once he verified that I had indeed called someone at the other end of the bus. The retreat was at Showa Boston, a branch of a Japanese woman's university, and also home to a kids school. They have a lovely piece of land, nice garden, and super awesome tea room we got to see. The explanation of the tea ceremony and all the distinct elements made me think of Tampopo, how one theme of Japanese traditional culture seems to be intense attention to details in otherwise mundane things, as opposed to a sort of Westernized sloppiness. Very Zen. Anyhoo, we didn't nearly get everything done we planned to, but it was fun.

After that I headed to Thornton's in the Fenway to hang out with all the RAs, since Simi is off to Tulane. It was super fun, and we spent lots of time "decompressing," as JT used to call it.

I went home and vegged, feeling this little cold coming on (no surprise given how friggin cold my room has been), and then Am called and we talked for two hours, since we haven't talked in about seven years. Seriously, it's been a while.

So today I'm bumming around at work not feeling terrible, but not so hot either. My sinuses are really annoyed. It's weird, when I get sick, I tend to get really hungry, so I've been snacking all morning, but I think I'm finally fueled up to beat this thing good. I would like it if the rain would go away soon, because I want to walk to Harvard after work. I also think I'm going to ditch out early, cuz H isn't here, and I'm unmotivated to stay.

M will be done with exams today! I'm so happy he won't go completely insane from Toxic! Then he has to pack, but packing can be made fun.

In order to feel better about not going to the gym, I emailed the kids about starting an Evening Recess Club this summer, in which we run around and play sports and stuff. It will rule. Then I walked home. It's about 4 miles. And actually I walked to Market Basket, got groceries, and then trudged up the hill with all of them. Rule.

Yesterday I was walking to Harvard (depite the crap weather, but it's worse today), and I came upon a little forest in Brookline! It's some sort of conservatory. It was super cool.

But then on Mem Drive I witnessed an encouter with a Psycho Bike Harpie. Damn, this woman was nuts. So I'm walking along, and there's a woman walking in front of me about ten feet, and she's a little on the left side of the path. This woman on a bike comes whizzing by me, damn near hitting me, and she totally sideswipes the pedestrian, subsequently falling over. Perhaps she was trying to brake unsuccessfully, who knows. Instead of apologizing profusely like any sane human, she starts yelling at the woman "This is a bike path! You're in the middle of the bike path!" and on and on. At first the pedestrian was like, dude, you came up behind me, I couldn't see you, but then she tried being conciliatory and this woman kept on yelling at her. I was caught up to them at this point, and I'm like, yo crazy lady, this is a multi-use path, and she kept railing how it was a bike path. She got on her bike and fell over again, which was pretty hilarious, and would have made me laugh if she hadn't been so clearly unhinged. But what a psycho... this is a path that bicyclists, pedestrians, roller bladers, joggers use... there's a small dirt path next to it, but that's for the convenience of joggers, and when it's been raining, not pleasant to walk on. By default this is a multi-use path, and I've never witnessed any other cyclist who could not find a way not to smack into other people on it. Maybe someday a car will nick her into a tree and the driver will yell out, this is a car path!

Got to the Br and watched some Idol. Fantasia should win, and if she doesn't, wow. Not that I'm going to watch the reveal because, seriously. 24 was so so so awesome, and I really liked this season a whole lot better than last season. And while some were ambivalent about the ending, I thought it was great... I mean, I woulda had a cry in the middle of that horrible, horrible day. But at least the Prez will come be Jack's BFF.

Karaoke was pretty good, even though we got squeezed at the table way in the back. This happened last end of term, when all these students got done with work and decided to show up. I guess there was a birthday party too. Yikes. I sang "Killing Me Softly," which went over enormously well. And Mike recognized the song I haven't been able to identify for like a year, and got me the name from his dad this morning! Woo!

Tonight I have dinner at the boss's with all the work people. Free food, woo!

Also, I have a confession: my boyfriend is nuts. When he gets stressed and it's the end of semester and he's studying hard... well, he finds bad chick songs and listens to them on repeat for hours. For a while it was "Crazy On You" by Heart. Then last semester it was "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benetar. Just now, according to his away message, was "Toxic." Britney, dude. Britney.

He was highly entertained by the email I sent last night, though. I always try to send amusing IMs or emails after karaoke, since I'm usually tipsy and punchy.

Okay, Kofi Annan is cool and all, but with the increasing talk of terrorist attack this summer (with no real info as to when or where), and Osama offering tons of gold for Annan's head, I'm not totally psyched about him being Commencement speaker. It's just a little concerning.

A couple of things: 1) Thunderstorms at 6:30 am? WTF, mate? Then again, if thunderstorms can happen when the weather changes from cold and riany to cold and rainy, I guess they can happen whenever. 2) I know I live at the top of a hill, but DAMN that was some loud thunder. I totally thought it was gonna jump through my window and eat me.

Also, why does the weather always suck donkey balls in May?

The weekend. Friday night was Court's birthday party, and we went bowling. It rocked, and my first frame of the night was a strike! Woo! I bowled quite well overall, even breaking 100 for tha last game. There was cake and then ice cream cake. Delish.

Saturday was dull. I did laundry. It was so cold out, I just wanted to lounge and read, but not at home so I went to the BR. I was not invited to watch sports. But then I was humored with some Mario Kart. M went back to studying and I watched Big Fish with the kids.

Sunday I lounged around M's room reading Wired and playing more Kart. I accomplished nothing all day!

Tonight I really need to go grocery shopping.

So, my house is officially at 4 residents now, as my roommate's old roommate is around for the summer. This will lead to reduced rent, but it's a little crowded. But hey, my roommate is the one losing almost half her space, whereas I get some rent money back in exchange for mildly more crowded bathroom and kitchen. I'll be over at the boys all the time anyway.

Everyone is going to be over there all the time. It's gonna be a party all summer.

This happened last spring too, but suddenly I am averse to going to the gym. I thought the culprit last year was the gym sucking and having no windows, but my current gym is lovely. And yet I do not go, nor do I want to go. I want to run around outside! I want to try to rollerskate! I wanna play basketball. I don't want to go run on a treadmill.

And yet, the weather sucks outside and I feel larpy, and I still have one month to go before I can actually quit the gym. I've been trying to motivate myself to go for a while, with so little success.

I was also reading a NYT article today about kids losing weight by playing DDR, and I was like, man, I wanna play that again. I think next year if I have an apartment where such activity would not disturb anyone, I'm totally getting a DDR setup for exercise.

24 last night was sort of lame. They spent half the hour on the stupid Palmer storyline. LAME. But he stuff with Saunders and his daughter was way cool. I have to say, though, the stakes are incredibly lowered now that the only bad guy left is in LA, and they're already set up to deal with the threat to some extent. What I don't understand is why they just didn't go after him on the train car with hazmat suits. So if he lets it go in the train, you have one contaminated train car and a few people who are toast. Now you have a whole station that could be toast, a much larger area to decontaminate too. And easier to escape from.

Karaoke was fun, but my songs were both from new CDs that suck. I first tried to sing some Hendrix, but the background track was like a single midi noise. The fuck? How bout, like, a guitar. So I cut that off early, and tried singing Another Brick in the Wall, which did not have the lead-in song, making it really boring. Terrible. But at least I wasn't the only one who got a bit screwed by the background... Jen tried to sing something that was basically just a copy of the actual song, with the voice track and all!

I thought maybe I'd go to Primal Scream tonight, but I really oughta go clean my room and do laundry and sleep. I guess we'll see if I feel peppy later when I'm home.

Dear ice cream truck,
I miss your sweet lusciousness so much. Though you vacation away every winter, you have not returned to give us all delicious creamy pleasure. the days have returned to warmth; come back to us, ice cream truck, and rock our world.

Woo photocopies! How fun to sit in the copy room.

So, I'd like to report from Massachusetts that the world has not ended and society has not crumbled, but business is going on as usual, except that any adult can marry any other adult they want. Which is awesome.

I wish I'd gone to Cambridge City Hall last night, because it sounds like it was rockin, but I wanted to sleep and I was a little concerned about a) getting home and b) potential wackos. Turns out protest was tiny and nonviolent, so I'm glad about that.

All day I've been tearing up reading stories and seeing photos about all the marriages. It's so amazing!

I thought I was gonna be clever here, but Lambda has, of course, beat me to it by pointing out that critics of Brown vs. Board made comments analogous to the "activist judge" criticism of the Goodridge case. Yet Bush today praises one and derides the other almost in the same breath, with no inkling that he understands the irony.

If course, this is the most tragically ironic administration ever, so what else is new.

24 IS SO GOOD! I finally saw last week's ep. Delish.

Yesterday I went shopping at every new store in Harvard Square. It was lots of fun, and I went to several old stores too. I got a skirt and two dresses from a couple of used clothing stores which rock (unlike the new vintage store which is insanely overpriced), and I checked out the new accessories store, the quirky Musuem of Useful Things, and the Cross Store where the salesman encouraged all to play with the pens enthusiastically.

After watching the Preakness and some dinner with M, I took all my stuff home and then returned to the Square for the bar crawl to celebrate John's birthday. Daedelus, Whitney's (!), and Shay's, then up to Cambridge Common. By then it was 1, so we went to the Cube for some beer pong. I'm not sure when I fell asleep on the couch, but it was wicked late, and I walked home around 7. So, fun times, but I would have preferred to reach a final destination much earlier and with certain company. But I guess you go with what you get.

I'd just like to point out for everyone's benefit that I only have 10 more weekends in town. Just so that's clear.

I slept until like 2. Now I don't feel like doing jack shit. I feel sorta down.

M called, which always makes me feel more peppy.

I also caught up with all my online reading.

I didn't get my US News last week, though. I think all the mail was fucked up because of the painting. And I think the colors are uggo!

This week isn't too busy at all, which rules. I can go to karaoke, go grocery shopping, do my laundry. Maybe I'll get cracking on transferring hard drive shit or the BDJ.

Lunch for my coworker leaving was supposed to be at 12:30, 20 minutes ago. But no one is around and no pizza in sight, although I swear I smell something pizza-like. WHAT THE HELL, I'M STARVING!

Oh, maybe it just got here. More later.

Aw yeah, pizza and minty klondike bar. Mmmmm.

So, I ended up working on my paper until midnight, when I had three completed pages and a full outline of the rest. I slept until 4:30, showered, and then cranked out 12 more pages. I think that wins the record for writing speed. I finished at 9:30 and emailed it to Matty, who is the best boyfriend in the world and printed AND delivered it. Major brownie points for that kid. :-)

I didn't get to work until like 10:30, but I intend to leave as soon as everyone else is gone, which I hope is really early today. Cuz I wanna go play Mario Kart and fall asleep.

Last night was super cool. I left work way later than I wanted to, because I was waiting for Jeff to stop talking to other people so he could help me with my abstract submission. But then the T was really fast. I curled my hair... this was such a waste of time! It was all curly when I took the rollers out, but the humidity just killed it. I mean, my hair is pretty immune to curling, but this was truly a new record for time-to-straightening. It usually remains a little curly through the evening.

Anyhoo, I wore the dress I wore to Winter Ball senior year of high school. I felt like a friggin cruise ship, the way that dress bellows out around me and I kind of float around with this massive clearance around me. My shoes totally killed after the banquet killed my feet the night before. But I made it to the bus. I felt kind of like a dumbass on the bus with this huge dress on.

We had dinner at Henrietta's Table, which was really lovely and new for me! I had some amazing delicious lamb. They also have fab bread. After stuffing ourselves, it was off to the Fete, or rather, to stand in line in the street to get into the house, because they had to check people against the list. Apparently people try to sneak in and go to all sorts of lengths. Dumb. Jeremy came over and joked about how Eliot really pushes the boundaries, making people have a formal in the parking lot, and that's why they're so popular.

Once inside, we tried to find chocalte-covered strawberries, but they'd been devoured. So M and I got champagne. Everyone went upstairs for a pee and some liquor for the underaged, and some shoe relief. Yow. Then back down, Matty and I wandered around, hitting the tent for more champagne, discovering the chocolate fountain (and I got chocolate all over my face), and doing some small amounts of dancing. I never went to any Lowell formals (except the waltz that one time, which blew), but this seemed to be a good party, though not as transcendental as people always made it sound. But Eliot does have a lovely courtyard, and there was lots of cool stuff around.

Too many Harvard kids, though, and maybe this is just kids in general, seem to be trying too hard to have fun. Maybe just fun in an incongruent way to the atmosphere. Here everyone is all dressed up, there's a lovely tent with swing music, an ice sculpture, nice drinks... and all these kids looked like they just wanted to get trashed and be crazy and shove people around to get champagne. There's so much fun in a classy evening, it's sad that some people clearly take it for granted. I think that's why the Band banquet is so fun, is that there's a little bit of formality put on by everyone, and the graciousness adds to the atmosphere.

But lucky for me, I have a delightful boyfriend, who looks so nice in a tux. :-) We had a nice time just wandering around. Things wound down starting at one, and we went back up to the room. Man, I was like falling asleep standing. Too much partying. As I fell asleep, I sang songs in a tiny voice, but I don't remember what they were about.

I should have taken today off. Not only am I wicked tired, but I also have my 12-pager due tomorrow, with 0 pages written. So it's gonna be another long night.

Banquet last night was pretty good. I ended up sorting M&Ms before, cuz the ADM was still working on the video, but I did make it to the cocktail party (without curly hair, though). M had this great new shirt that made him look like some kind of 70s pornographer. Hard to explain... just the print and the way the collar was. Hot. My feet hurt a lot more this year, though, sadly. I had on the same shoes, but alas. Blisters and fun. That should make tonight even better for my feet.

Fete tonight should rock the hizzy.

Reading the NYT today, I shook my head this article on fertility treatments. I wish we lived in a culture in which the cost-benefit analysis of having children had adoption long before spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on fertility treatments. If it were part of our national thinking that adoption is a real option, whether one can reproduce or not, fewer people would feel so damned distraught by not being able to have their own kids. When will everyone get over the tick tock of their genes?

I mean, I do understand components of the desire to have kids who have half your genes. And I realize that it's a unique personal moral feeling I have of duty to adopt. I guess what makes me angry is that with so much debate about abortion, there's so little focus on what people conceive as another major option. The loudest pro-lifers are more interested in condemning sex than with preventing abortion, and the pro-choicers are so caught up just trying to preserve reproductive rights that improving the other choices becomes a task for another day. Meanwhile, access to adoption goes ignored, child care and the structure of the workforce is viewed as wishy-washy liberal crap, and generally the plight of already-born children is not a subject of much passion. It's fucken ridiculous.

In other news, BANQUET TONIGHT!

It's only 3:30. But I want to leave!

Fun fun weekend. Friday after work I went to Eliot Fest, which had some good food and beer, and a cool band playing. We managed to do nothing productive all evening, playing Mario Kart and watching Family Guy.

Saturday the Arts First parade was super fun, even though I had a big headache and had to carry herald trumpets around. But Matty got me a doughnut, so I felt better, and then there was good food at the tent. I hung out with M's parents at the WE concert, which was actually pretty good, except the Brandt, which was saved only by being interesting, but otherwise was typical awful-sounding Brandt. M was frazzled after the concert, having run around before it trying to track down music stands, so we went and chilled in his room before dinner. This was good. Dinner with M's family was lovely; the restaurant was a cute little place, with delicious food. It was a really nice time. After that, we all goofed off some more, had some drinks, played way more Mario Kart, and then stopped by the Ground Zero party. It was hot, sweaty-smelling, and crowded, so we stayed like 10 minutes.

Sunday was the Duckling Day parade, which is normally fun, except it was pouring, so it was only a little fun. Most of the rest of the day we did homework, or rather, I was fairly productive and M kept falling asleep while trying to read an article for bio. ;-) Then I was off to the Cube for Sopranos.

I always feel a little dejected when I leave on Sunday.

It's a good thing I have Thursday night to write this paper, because I'm not being so very productive this evening.

But the next two nights should be party fun! My dress for tomorrow is hilarious, and I got my Fete dress steamed out sufficiently. I have these fabulous silver shoes that would be fun to wear, but they are *very* high. I can walk around in them not too bad, but I might make my date look a little diminutive, so perhaps I will wear my lower black heels.

Despite them posting back and forth for an entire evening, Alisa and Kenton still didn't post as much as I did last month, though Alisa came close. My month ended up being the third highest month ever. I don't understand! I think my problem is that I get into discussions and actually keep with them, because I like debate and splitting out the nuances of an issue. But damn.

I generally don't have allergies, but we're on super high pollen levels, and I feel a little stuffy and I had a headache of doom last night. There must be a threshhold beyond which the body just starts reacting to this stuff. Or I'm just sniffly, who knows.

I'm so happy! I don't have to turn in my paper until next Friday morning, meaning I can finish it Thursday night! Woo!

Man, Friends last night was so lame. It had the possibility of being cool for a while, but then of course they screwed it up. I was all for the answering machine message to bring some closure, but what rachel should have said was, love you and all, but right now I gotta go to Paris and we'll see about the future later. That's more realistic. Instead she comes back, because god forbid some woman on television do what she's intending to do instead of sticking around for some man. Beh. Now I remember why I don't watch that show.

This next week is gonna be crazy with fun and work. On tap for tonight is some Eliot Fest goodness, which I hear entails music and beer. I won't make it there in time to hear Natural Progression, however, sadly. I hear there will also be scotch and Mario Kart, always a favorite. Tomorrow is super busy. The Arts First parade, then lunch, the the WE Concert. A bit later, dinner with the Katcher fam. And some work on my class paper, I hope. Sunday is Duckling Day parade, which will be fun if it doesn't rain, then paper paper paper.

Tuesday the banquet, Wednesday the Fete. I need to get my dress to the dry cleaners, or I need to find a steam iron for some unwrinklyness.

Cinco de Mayo!

I caved and went to karaoke. I wasn't going to get any reading done anyway.

But the manuscript is in great shape!

But... I guess I just wasn't as captivating this week.

I'm going to be miserable in the morning.

So far, not too miserable, and Jeff liked my abstract!

Still up, up too late. The way he talked about how he felt somehow took me back to the bad days, sweltering days when I stared at the walls and could do nothing but focus on the next second, and the next. He doesn't know what that's like, but pain is relative anyway. But in my current life I tend to automatically dwell on newer times, I read through funny emails from last summer, that crazy dancing time.

Turning out the lights still brings out whatever demons are around, though, no matter what they are. I thought of that bad time. But then I turned my thoughts quickly to being curled up tight, safe and warm and loved, the complete opposite of that bad time, and the tears were quick, the fear time will pass so quickly, as these dancing summer months always do, and it will all be gone. The contrast between that former life, so sick always, so tired, and this one, so full of delights, and that greatest delight, that kindest most gentle light, it aches. It's all slipping, I feel the strands escaping from my fingers, time fluttering loose and blowing away.

I have to stay in this moment, watch what's still in my keep. Try not to stare into the darkness terrified, but breathe deep, and slumber.

My brain is so confused as to time. I had to be at work today at 8 for four hours of meetings, but they seemed to go pretty quick, so by noon it didn't feel like noon really, but more like 10:30 when our regular Weds meetings end (held in the same room). I got some work done on my paper, but we had another meeting from 4-5, and it came up quick, and then I stayed after to finish the paper draft (for a meeting *tomorrow*), so I didn't leave until 7. Yup, 11 hours at work. Got homw at 8, now it's like 10:30 and doesn't really feel like it. Though I'm getting a bit sleepy.

But I'm psyched that my paper is coming along well, and I have a pretty concrete agenda for tomorrow's meeting.

Assassins makes for some pretty amusing fake facebook entries.

Friday night was a short gig in the Berg, some Uno's goodness, then Family Guy in the BR while poor M got stuff ready for the Foundation meeting. Kind of a chill evening, but good. Saturday was nuthin much. I got some reading done for class, and then I walked around in the wonderful weather until I ran into Damon and K-brew outside Shay's and went in for a couple of beers. Then I left to meet M for dinner, but unfortunately we decided to play some Mario Kart, and between playing the hardest level at the highest speed and me being slightly tipsy, I quickly became very frustrated at the whole thing. I hate it when I feel incompetent at something and uncoordinated, and it's even worse when someone else is there and I can't just throw things at the TV, so instead I just get upset. Stupid, really.

But dinner made me feel better, except that M got shot right after in a truly well-crafted trap. This is assassins, not for real. Anyway, that was a bummer, but it meant he didn't have to be so paranoid anymore. So we went and got Katie some beer for the Lather pre-party, and then back to Eliot. Jerry came over with some JW Gold, and we played lots of Mario Kart. M wanted some ice cream, so we went to Baskin Robbins, but the ice cream was all put away by then, so we got a small ice cream cake, which was friggin delicious, and we ate that and watched more Family Guy. Then to sleep.

I managed to get some reading done today, but then the kids had to run off to make Frosh Dinner, so I went home, and since then I have accomlished no reading.

I need to finish it so I can start my paper due the next Thursday, after the Banquet Tuesday and the Fete Wednesday. And a weekend full of gigs and stuff. Must not slack so incredibly hardcore!

So it looks like the boys are going to have a kickass apartment this summer. Near the Cube, which also means it's on two bus lines from my house, making life oh so pleasant. I love the 86 and all, but it's often not on time, and even if it is, the walk up the hill takes a long time and is painful if I'm tired. The 88, on the other hand, is a joy. It looks like they'll have a big ol kitchen and a porch, and a backyard they share with the other units. I think they're going to be the fun house. :-)

I'm so divided as to the month of August. I'm certainly glad I'll have time to get settled in Baltimore before school starts, maybe search for a car if I decide I want one (I think I probably will), explore the city, etc. But I'll miss a whole summer month of fun. I think I'm going to have to visit up here for a weekend, to break it up some. Maybe some other incoming students will be around to meet.

Other things I don't have words to really communicate right now.