the trip to ithaca, now concluded, was a blast. i got to hang out with some really cool people, stay on a property with perfect weather and wildflowers and (don't tell anyone) dogs that by the end i even didn't resent all that much. after all, there are certainly some mathematicians who belie the stereotype of not being at all the sort of person you would want to hang out with, and a tremendous percentage of the people at the conference fit that bill.
at the same time, while the social aspects were great, the conference brought something to the forefront: i simply don't like math all that much anymore. and especially now that i realize i don't have to invest anything into research math, i just don't care about it that much. i found myself with absolutely no interest in the math aspects of the conference; commutative algebra has never been one hundred percent my cup of tea, but it has always been fifty percent or so, and i had really zero interest in hearing commutative algebra talks. i've definitely put math behind me academically; i just need to hold onto it enough to pass on whatever legacy i may have to sonja and lindsay (dave's students) before i go. not that i have any arrogant grandiose ideas regarding the importance or volume of that legacy. i don't even have a wikipedia page, after all.
anyway, i spent the late morning and early afternoon of today just relaxing outside surrounded by wildflowers and a crisp fall day (not available in california, even), and just generally perfect conditions. it was certainly the closest i've come to relaxing since i got here, even if it was not perfect due to the still-mounting sleep deprivation. it was really pleasant, and i hope that one of my friends chooses that life so i can visit their beautiful country estate, but even country-loving me has to admit that i'm probably too socially needy to be so isolated on a day-to-day basis. but for a vacation? it's just about a perfect place.
and then the car ride back, and now i'm totally exhausted, even a bit sunburnt, and back in the city. but i have a timetable: day twenty-one is the flight back to california, perhaps for good. although i've liked the city enough that i might even one day come back and visit of my own volition. anyway, that's the weekend in a nutshell, days fifteen-sixteen.