the way i see it, people get better as they age. despite the shocking lack of perspective one has on one's own self, people discover their faults and correct them as they grow older. i'm hard-pressed to think of anyone who has picked up faults as they grow older; maybe a couple of people who have basically given up.
but even with them, the real problem isn't picking up faults; it's losing positive characteristics. this is why i was railing against marriage, or married people to be precise; the positive characteristics fade. it's not that they pick up faults; it's that they become cookie-cutter because they already have what they want. (there are exceptions, of course, but those people are quite special.)
maybe i have cause and effect reversed; maybe people get married as they age because they dim in both faults and positive qualities, and that sort of mellow, continuous person is more condusive to a married person's lifestyle.
but anyway, i'm off the train of thought i started on. i think, relative to two years ago, i am a better person. i have fewer faults and, i think, just as many good qualities. but i don't think that's all that surprising; there is no good reason why people should pick up faults or even lose good qualities as they get older, and some self-reflection and perception will ameliorate the faults. (picking up good qualities is much harder, since it requires thinking outside the box, envisioning the unrealized.)
i think this might be related to the current belief in society that marrying later is good. if we posit that character development more or less stops at marriage, since you seek to preserve the status quo, then it makes sense to get married later, after you have gone through the trials and tribulations necessary to realize your faults and broaden your horizons. the marriage will be better, happier, richer in every way.
i'm not sure how this fits into my current life, but it's food for thought. that people get better as they age. i've tried this before, of course; i've tried to have relationships based on potential, based on what i projected that i and the other person would evolve into. this is taking the reasoning a bit too far, of course, because of uncertainty. but ultimately, i think a lot of faults will go away. the catch is that this is far more likely to happen in the absence of happiness, in the absence of stability.
this is the first prolonged period in my life where i really haven't been happy with it. usually something comes along and reassures me that life is good, and so i don't have these blocks of time to consider who i am. i think ultimately i will come out of it a better person, although i'm naturally worried that it will never end.
i'll be getting back to berkeley sometime next week. ready to resume my life among people i know and, in some cases anyway, love, away from the temporary acquaintances of vancouver and duluth. although, i must say, i like some of these temporary acquaintances quite a bit.