i'm stuck in another one of these lousy positive feedback weeks, where i'm not very
happy, which makes me not a lot of fun to be around, which makes me loathe to
impose
my presence on people, which makes me not very happy. it's extremely disappointing;
i seem to have if anything regressed over the years, to the point where i have
generally emotional reactions to things. very strong ones, which send me into
inexplicably irrational tailspins, and this week is one of those. it seems to be a
combination of lethargy and fatalism, another bad pair; i'm certainly
capable of appearing happy to the naked eye, but i don't care enough to put in the
requisite energy to do so. quite frankly it feels like i am sitting around waiting
for a lightning bolt. it's not really a pleasant feeling.
i leave for new york in 6 days for what will no doubt be
an enervating 10-day trip. probably hopping from place to place, dealing with my
mother, trying to emotionally insulate myself against another wedding (a
discouraging contrast to my rather bleak romantic outlook), and so forth. lots of
fun all around.
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