i've been reflecting for a while now. one of the weird things, which i probably wrote here earlier, is that my life is absolutely no different than it was when i was in a mood trough (in fact it is worse in some ways), and yet i am really very happy. i think it's related in large part to the being me again. i realize more and more that while i may not be of general interest, there are some people out there who i am perfect for in whatever capacity. it's very easy for me to picture a sort of person who i am uniquely fitted for - this comes with not being a stereotype, i suppose. this person may or may not actually exist, but it's certainly not hard to construct them in theory.
and so i haven't been particularly upset over the dying alone thing recently. i like who i am, and hopefully there is someone else who likes who i am. and if not, i have so much more fun being me that i think i will just stick to that.