while it's certainly not that case that everything is wrong, on some level i believe that this is what the script kind of calls for over the next while, let's say two months or so. in a sense there is this happily ever after which is on the horizon but which doesn't appear to be starting anytime soon. in principle, since nothing i do can affect that, i may as well try these lottery tickets out.
of course the fallacy here is that there is no script. there never has been. looking back at my life (as chronicled by emails), it's entirely obvious that random events happen all the time. indeed, random events are pretty much essential to every meaningful experience i've ever had, to any meaningful person i've met, arbitrary decisions or whatnot leading to my life.
i of course believe this entirely from a rational perspective, that there are these random events out there. but i never emotionally conceive of things this way. i guess this is part of my religion of romantic idealism; there is a way that things will go, and it will be fluid and just and have everything work out in the way that i envision it, never mind that the destined sequences almost never actually happen. so even though no one really has a clue what my future may hold (i'm certainly in a position where random events could easily happen to me), i feel comfortable making pronouncements that i will either end up settling or dying alone (unless my god comes through in the clutch, hello, god, are you out there?), while others seem to feel comfortable making pronouncements that i'll find the right person and live happily ever after.
it seems that the actual reality, though, is that no one can really predict what will happen in my life (or anyone else's.) since everything that has happened to me, regardless of importance, can be traced to some big random element (roommate assignments, deciding to go to that party, the queen of hearts dropping tripleton, whatever.) so who really knows what my future will hold, my grand script about what i hope/expect will happen aside.
not that i think there's anything wrong with the script.