there was just one problem with my plan: i don't know how to relax. in a sense it was a microcosm of when i moved to minneapolis for 5 months, an event that i consider to be the modern beginning of my downfall (such as it is.) i got kind of sad (and let me tell you, if you can get sad in berkeley april weather, something is wrong with you), and generally felt listless and fatalistic. i forgot this, that when i'm not doing anything i don't feel relaxed. instead, i feel useless and antsy, and i revert to romanticizing the past and worst-casing the future.
it's not just a catchy pop hook, it's true: things are what you make of them. in my journeys through life this is probably the most profound (?) truth i've come across -- your happiness has more to do with how you perceive your life instead of how your life is. the facts of my life haven't changed in some time, but my happiness level has gone up and down, blithely unaware of the general stasis of its surroundings. i mean, even in minneapolis had i just looked at work, i would have been okay. not that i was necessarily capable of that.
the relaxing thing, though, maybe i should get that looked at.