mind you, it appears that nothing bad actually happened. but it was one of those days where everything on every spectrum came out as poorly as possible. i had the worst possible reactions to things, being frustrated by things which weren't important, getting riled up over things which were unsurprising, and generally being pessimistic.
i've been making this conscious effort not to try too hard, and it's been going pretty well, but today it just failed miserably. i was having this conversation with a friend and trying to convince her of something and after a while i was just like ARGH! WHY DO YOU REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS! i was just getting really, really frustrated, and the frustration continued throughout the rest of the day, which i at least had the sense to cut short.
connected to this, of course, was the fact that i was having a terrible, terrible off day. the combination of having an off day and trying too hard doesn't work. it was one of these train wreck days where i watched in morbid anticipation while the next awfully timed, awfully phrased thing came out of my mouth.
this makes no sense to me, how i can just have these bad days for no apparent reason. when i'm on i feel like it's the natural state of affairs, that i can just do it every day, and for the most part recently i have been. but occasionally my brain just goes on the fritz for a while. i don't know.
the one saving grace of today is that if this is what's a bad day now, that's pretty good; it's certainly a hell of a lot better than all of the 20 or so days after eva broke up with me. which i guess means my life is a lot better than it was then. but it's still frustrating as hell and i really wish i didn't have to have days like this.