last night i had the most beautiful dream in recent memory. first of all, it was entirely realistic; not one thing happened that didn't make sense (although those of you who have a low opinion of me might disagree.) i was with the perfect girl, and the dream was going through the best parts, the meeting and the sparking and so on. and it wasn't awkward at all and i knew in my heart that this was it, that this was perfect, and i was so happy that i was getting another chance when frankly i thought i had run out of chances.
with some amusing moments, too. like my roommate coming in and being shocked a la chasing amy. because he didn't expect her to be here, you know? it was pretty strange to begin with, since she was supposed to leave on a flight the previous day but, well, you know how movies go. you know how life goes. little random events that lead to something and that look like fate in retrospect. as far as those go, this wasn't even a particularly improbable one.
so here i am, waking up with the perfect girl in the perfect situation with everything just perfect. i wonder how my brain deals with this; it has to go through the waking-up process without actually waking me up. if we understood dreams we'd understand the brain a lot better. but i digress.
so we wake up, and i am at peace. this happens so rarely in real life. it's like things are in slow motion; i don't feel compelled to start blathering because i'm afraid of being thought uninteresting. i just know. i don't have to. i haven't been this happy in real life in quite some time.
at some point during the dream i wake up, but this turns out to be not real. i pop up into one higher level, but one which shares enough information with the dream (for instance, this girl is still in town, i still have this roommate, and the place we're living in has the same layout) so that i really don't know whether i dreamed the events or whether they actually happened. the miracle is that they happen again. well, not quite -- it's not as deep. it's sort of like the prologue; it's what happened before the night i woke up from.
my relationship with this girl is different. we talk, but mostly we are just incredibly fluid together. i feel a sense of telepathy that i rarely get; it's not telepathy, there's nothing mystical about it, but we click. i know that i can't screw this up.
in real life, i realized yesterday while i was running (when i often have strange, oxygen-deprived epiphanies) that i've matured in one quantitative way: i no longer let my friendships be screwed up by "incidents." i don't get mad at people for doing suboptimal things. i'm not going to lose any of my friends over this; this isn't a resolution so much as a statement that ... that what? i guess that i'm trusting my intuition more than before, that i will follow it back to the friendship i know we should have independent of possibly bad events or situations that could come up. like "if a girl were to come between jeremy and i," which i think i want to happen so i can feel great about it not coming between us.
back to the dream. at some point i woke up and felt a sense of disappointment that the dream was over, of course. but this time i went back to sleep and back into the same dream. this never happens; i always try to go back into my happiest dreams but it never works, i always end up someplace else. but it was the same dream. the girl and i... she had (this is the one-deep dream, not the two-deep dream) left on the plane, but i know that she noticed things clicking. we had kissed once before she left, and it was strange: it wasn't a typical passion-filled first kiss, but rather a kiss of security. because we knew that things were working, that things would work, and this was just what the flow dictated.
unfortunately, i don't think dying is like being asleep forever, and i don't think this level (i think i'm awake, anyway) will reproduce the events of the previous level. for one, the parameters are now totally wrong.
i'm going to go driving later; it's cloudy and rainy outside and i love this weather. if you're interested in hearing what will no doubt be a pensive mood, drop me a line. it's 1:30 pm, wednesday 2/13, now, for reference.