while i fit into my workplace very well, and while the transition has been very smooth, there's still one thing very strange about working in an actual workplace. no flirting. you'd think this would be easy; after all, there are tons of people i don't flirt with every day. but it turns out that i have this naturally flirty personality (which is not to imply that the people i flirt with are not people i'm actually interested in!), and consciously turning it off is difficult.

it's not that there are people at work i'm secretly mooning over or anything, but i have to flip that circuit before it even triggers; i have to turn off the flirting reflexes, the flirting instincts. it's weird: my guess is that for most people they're worried about being too nonconformist at work, worried about having a personality at all; i love my workplace because on the contrary, i feel like i can absolutely be my interesting, ridiculous self at work (okay, minus the outward depression i evince every now and then), and that's great. but this one bit is crucial to my spontaneity and character in a way i'm guessing it isn't for most people.

i don't think it's affecting my productivity at work (because i'm not my zeus-in-all-his-glory self), but it's very weird to be in this environment where i can't, no matter what, further my life goals (romantic idealist, etc., etc..) i mean, not that i've been doing a very good job of this outside of work either, but fundamentally (as longtime readers of this blog are well aware), people and relationships are far more important to me than anything else, and it's so odd to have to consciously turn that off for several hours a day.

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