i was thinking about things the other day and i realized with a start that a lot of the time we're defined about things we don't do rather than things we do. for instance, i have a friend who doesn't drink, and this is definitely notable and occasionally a subject of jokes; likewise, i have friends who are flaky or spacey or whatever and this is also notable.

then i realized that i was wrong. what's actually true is that my friends at least, it's really hard to give a parsimonious description of them. for instance, i have a friend who is a lawyer, professional food blogger, glass blower, soon-to-be-restaurant-runner (part-time), fire spinner, the most voracious reader i know, actually-kept-up personal blogger (very good), and many many other things. okay, this is my oldest and dearest friend who is certainly the most variegated person i know, but this isn't uncommon. and the thing is, of course, that you can list all of those nouns and adjectives without coming close to describing her. i don't think you could really get a sense of what she's like from those (except that she's hardly a passive person, perhaps); i don't think you could come close to describing her personality.

of course, i have always known that i have amazing friends, friends who are hard to describe, and in fact maybe that's the best indicator of whether or not i'll like someone. i don't tend to like predictable stereotypes; i tend to be (fatalistically?) drawn to unique people, people who i've never met before and am unlikely to meet again in my life. frequently these days (in my old age, ha, ha) i get the strong sense on meeting someone that i've already met this person; sometimes i'm wrong but usually i'm very right. but sometimes out of the blue comes someone who i have never come close to meeting before, and i become infatuated (platonically as well as romantically, i might add.)

i must be doing something golden-rule right, i guess; i don't think there's someone like me out there either, although i think everyone thinks that they are unique (and who knows, maybe they're right.) i guess that means in theory that if someone like me is out there, at least they will be drawn to me and i to them, although the logical ramifications of this seem to lead to some kind of paradox.

i'm putting some large wheels in motion to try to get back to focused me. i've tried turning large wheels (recrafting, as it were) before, with varying levels of success. truth be told, i feel like i'm running more and more uphill with the recrafting as i get old (or to put it succinctly, it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks), but my fundamental belief is still that i can do anything. and maybe i can.

perhaps my stock should even be bumped up to a "don't buy."

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