i've reached an intermediate stage between childhood and adulthood, where i feel i'm dependable but at the same time i don't really want people to depend upon me. i know what i'm going to do; i'd prefer to see what other people are going to do. i don't even really want a relationship because i relish being able to do what i want whenever i want, especially with regards to sleep schedule. i know that my sleep schedule is not perfect, but it's nice to not have anyone else's priorities to live up to.
on a more basic level, what i mean by the teaser intro is that i feel that once i influence other people's lives i have some responsiblity to make sure these lives turn out well, and i'm not sure i can live up to that responsibility. i don't know what's right for anyone else; okay, that's a lie, i do, but it's a lot more fun to play armchair quarterback and watch people make decisions and invent things. (also, i don't know what's right for anyone else, at least not always.) i want to see where other people's agency takes them. i want to know who other people are, not who i can make them into.