for that matter, too little happens in my life to really be worth making some sort of regular update. if this thing does get by my initial period of suspicion and apathy, it's not going to be regular. it can't be. i don't have that much to say that's fit for this.
i need to write more. the problem is that i just don't feel like doing anything. it's probably lasting effects from being sick, plus the fact that i have a cold sore. also being awake in the morning, which is total anathema for me. it's 9:00 and i'm roughly in the middle of what my waking period would be if i weren't more determined to wrap (and hadn't gotten 13 hours of sleep last night. it's pretty incredible; i almost always can't sleep that long without waking up in the middle.)
speaking of sleep, i have a new hypothesis. it seems like my dreams are always more vivid and more interesting when i sleep for a shorter period of time. thirteen hours and i don't remember my dream at all; i didn't when i woke up. meanwhile, when i used to take "power naps" (which failed miserably in their intended purpose, but i digress) freshman year of college, i would have dreams which lasted (in their world) several days. the most emotionally traumatizing dreams i have are during six- or eight-hour periods. these 12's and 13's never seem to really amount to much, and if they do, they're short snippets, not long drawn-out scenes that could fit into plays. they're not the adrienne dreams which still haunt me, in particular.
i'm not really sure where those fit into my life. i've never really had nightmares before. they're not nightmares; there's nothing scary going on. they're just haunting. dreams of that type -- visions of the future -- are always bad, because if the future is bad they're depressing and if the future is good they're taunting and it's disappointing when you wake up. it's times like this that i feel betrayed by sleep.
i can't decide whether to have the light on or not. probably not, but it's on because it was on during the night and when the sun "rose" (which didn't happen; it had been raining for a long time, and now it's cloudy) it didn't occur to me to turn it off. and it's still dark enough that if i do turn it off (which i just did) it still seems odd. of course, if it were off (as it is now) it's hardly dark enough to merit turning it on.
i'm still very unfamiliar with this medium. i haven't used a single word i'm proud of in this; usually there's about one per four or five sentences, but there just aren't any. i feel like i'm talking because i'm being forced to talk, not because it's natural. we'll see what happens there.