it's not exactly that everything is catastrophic here. i am taking my complete social isolation with acceptance and aplomb. (i'm not complaining about it; it's my own fault, or predilection, or whatever you want to call it.) i actually really like the weather. it's just that most things are worse than in california. my apartment sucks but it doesn't seem to make sense to move since i'm here until may at the latest. i have actual friends in california outside of the math department. there is more bridge in california.
work sort of sucks at the moment too. both of my two in-progress papers are bogged down in minutiae. i HATE minutiae. i guess i should be mature and just deal with the minutiae in a cold, efficient fashion and move on.
but there's some sort of pall hanging over everything. i don't get out of bed in the morning. i don't exactly know why; it's probably an element of fatalism combined with an element of insomnia that prevents me from getting to sleep until like 5. i guess the obvious solution to cater to both is to take sleeping pills. either i will die or i will get to sleep, and with much less attendant obnoxiousness than the current algorithm.
shit. my girlfriend's mother is going to read that and think that i have a dangerous suicidal bone in my body and warn her against it.
in any case i am having trouble thinking of actual reasons to stay here. during the winter i like the weather here but winter weather in california is great too. that's probably a push. spring is probably better here since in california it's hot occasionally.
the whole thing is highlighted by an absurdly simple situation. apparently they plow the parking lot of my apartment building periodically during the winter. this requires us to move our cars on 24 hours notice. i'm gone a lot so presumably this will result in more towing. the obvious solution, which i will employ, is to give my car key to a neighbor so they can help me out with minnesota geniality during these times. but i don't trust any of my neighbors. i don't really trust minnesotans in general. i'm a stranger in a strange land. i fully expect that my car will have 100 extra miles on it (at best) when i get back. or that they will photocopy my car registration and later claim the car as their own. i guess this is pretty paranoid. but just to make sure i will gut my car before leaving.
shit. my girlfriend's mother is going to read that and think that i'm inheriting my mother's dementia and warn her against the unstoppable force of genetic proclivities.
i guess the solution is to actually work on math.